This depression is killing me....?

Question

Im a 38 yr old man lost more than ever. I'm going through a divorce from my wife and best friend. I lied to her about our finances after losing my job cause I thought I could fix everything and not stress her out about it. She has bought a new house and I am losing my to forclosure due to my job loss and depression that has such a strangle hold on me all I want to do is cry everyday. She and the kids still love me very much but I still feel so alone and cannot see a very bright future for myself. I have pushed what friends I had away over the years because I was so into my family, now it seems I have no where to turn. To sum it up i'm 38, divorced, losing my house, can't find a job, never want to leave the house, and have no friends to turn to. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Answer 1

well Chad you have several options~one is to get some mental health care that you so badly need~also if your wife "still love me very much" why can't you live there until you get yourself straightened out? The alleged friends you "pushed" away weren't truly friends to begin or they'd be there now for you~or maybe they got tired of the tears & sadness & moved on who knows?? You putting the family first was exactly what you were suppose to be doing~as I started this get to a mental health clinic & get some help~they charge on ability to pay in case you haven't any insurance~also there are a lot of anti depressants that are like $ 4 monthly supply~maybe you should see about going back to your parents or a sibling until you get yourself "fixed"~good luck to you♦

Answer 2

There are a lot of people experiencing some or all of the same kinds of pain, so cheer up, you aren't alone! ;-)



So, if she loves you very much and is buying a house by herself, why doesn't she let you move in with her? Then you could sell the other house and relieve some financial stress maybe.



Love without action seems useless to me. It isn't very loving for your wife to say she loves you, then leave you and deny the children their father. Sorry, everyone makes mistakes and I think she came down a bit hard on you, even though you lied and you were wrong to do so.



I know those feelings of depression you describe. Meds won't fix the problems, but they may help you get functional enough to deal with them. It couldn't hurt to try. What have you got to lose?



BTW: 38 is still young, your life is not over, you have been employed before so it is reasonable that with effort and time you will be again. It is hard to leave the house when you don't feel like it, but as I said, meds can help. It's important to get up shower, and go do some things outside the house. It will give you something to know you are alive.

Answer 3

My dear man, let me tell you something I know will help, a few years ago, I wanted a divorce but my husband did not, not only did he try to kill me, but I also became homeless, for seven years I was homeless, but I did not become without hope. What makes me stay hopeful even in those times that I was literally freezing outside and no human helped me was my faith that god said if you believe, you can move mountains. The odds were 100% against me,But because God is my main focus in life, putting his kingdom first, Not only did I endure great human tragedy, but did it with a smile and a song in my heart, yes many tears too, but the almighty himself sustained me. You lied and tried to shoulder a heavy weight without your partners involvement, this was not wise, but let us move on from your past mistakes and the fact that unless you committed adultery, she really had no right to leave. May you find the words of the bible can enlighten you with the hope you seek, I do not wish to be like the world and say, o I am sorry, good luck to you, because that is no help at all. What can a man do to make it better? first read psalms 41:10, and then pray for help, then act in harmony with that prayer knowing... That you are not alone! God is with you and he will really help you.Do not just lay down like a beaten dog, You can start something new and come off victorious! I worked hard to get my ssi and a place to live while living in a tent and eating at soup kitchens. if I , a mere woman with no human friends to help, could do this, Then certainly a man who once had it all, can start again. A fire starts from a small smolder and can turn into a raging blaze! Right now you must keep your ember alive and look for wood to feed it, Go and see that god is good and the next 40 years have the possibilty of being the best, because indeed, if this tragedy brings you closer to the real source of life, I praise god for it and refuse to pity you, for it is a good thing. may you find my words to be true and in the end of it after all may god himself bless all your efforts.You do not have to own a house to be happy. you do not even need to have a home, what you need is the truth that sets men free and brings true peace and happiness. For a start, Might I suggest, new friends... Go to www.watchtower .org and read what a glorious future lies ahead, for all mankind.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.



The feelings you describe are common with major negative life changes.



You certainly need help with the depression. If finances are a problem, you can get help through the local health department and other agencies.



I'd honestly suggest joining some of the yahoo groups on here for depression and other such problems (divorce, etc) to get some good advice and form new friendships. I'm in some if you want recommendations to groups.



I'm not sure about the job situation in your area so can't offer suggestions there.



Best wishes,

Debbie [e-mail]

Answer 5

First of all, I am sure you still have some friends left. Call one and see if you can visit or just do something with them to get out of the house.



Call your doctor and tell him about your depression and that you need a medication and then get it filled and take it religiously every single day. And if that particular anti-depression medication doesn't work in a few weeks, call him back and have him prescribe another. There are many medications out there to hep you if one does work. They won't make you high, just feel so much better about life.



Take one day at a time. Time will help you take control of your life. You will find a job, eventually.

Everyone goes through ups and downs in their lives. You just happen to be going through one of those times.

Answer 6

I wish I could tell you that there is a magic wand that can solve your problems,but there isn't. On the other hand there is something more powerful then magic,and that is the power of Jehovah God. Throughout the Bible you can read how his power was manifested in the past,like for example when he told Noah to built an Ark and eight people were saved from a world wide deluge or flood,also when he parted the Red Sea so his people could escape from the Pharaoh of Egypt whom was a cruel and tyrant king. Also you can read how Jehovah provided for the Israelites when they were journeying through the desert for 40 years and God provided for them food,water,clothes etc. And there are many more great and awesome ways in which God's power was made known,but you need to take out your bible and read it for yourself. If you read the bible and accept it as the genuine word of God and the truth. What is going to happen to you? You are going to start having faith in the power of the living and all-powerful God, Jehovah and his Son Jesus whom he sent to the earth to show us the way and to die for us.John 3:16. How can faith in God and his Son help you? Notice what Hebrews 11:6 says also read James 4:8 Mathew 6:25-34 and also Psalms 1:1-3 May Jehovah God Bless you and help you in all the troubles you are going through.

Answer 7

You need to take small steps. The first thing you need to do is find a way to combat this depression. While you feel like this, you won't be able to do anything else. How will you choose to do that? You can go and see your GP for some anti depressant medication. I would never encourage anyone to take it unless they really needed it, but it genuinely sounds like you do. (I took them for nine years). They will give you some strength to make some more plans and Progress. Alternatively you can go and see a therapist, Chinese herbalist, or hypnotherapist. If you don't deal with this feeling of depression, you won't be able to deal with sorting out the rest of your life issues, one by one. When you feel better in your mind, you'll have the strength and confidence again to go out fighting and find a job. There are other ways to deal with depression... like exercise and diet, but it doesn't sound to me like you have the motivation for that at the moment. Make a decision... sink or swim... and with kids in the world, I think there's only one option... don't you? I empathise so much with how low you're feeling. Delve into your heart and soul, and make some choices and changes. First things first.... your GP????? I sincerely wish you all the best for your future. Jo

Answer 8

To address some other answers you already got - it is NOT appropriate to take medications for this situation, meds are not for problems of life, (in your case, grief), they are for bona fide mental illness. If it gets to the point where you are suicidal, then do consider medications, but since it isn't that bad, you are better off figuring out how to cope and letting time heal your grief. Support groups would be a good idea. Can you sell the house cheap in a hurry so you at least get some equity out of it, if there is substantial equity? Call up old friends and restore those relationships. Suck it up, and DO it. You have to FORCE yourself to do it. I'll give you my standard depression tips also:



Try meditation like progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery. It reduces stress, & depression. See The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne for examples. Free 15 minute guided imagery download at healthjourneys.com.



***** #1 MOST HELPFUL Go out with friends, & if you don't have any, join a club & MAKE yourself go until you look forward to it. “Isolating” makes depression worse.



Exercise 1/2 hour a day, & anytime you feel depressed. Exercise is a great mood stabilizer & reduces anxiety. LOTS OF RESEARCH SUPPORTS THIS.



Insomnia?: Go to bed & get up the same time each day, even weekends. Don't use your bedroom to watch TV, read or use the computer. Don't do stuff that revs you up before bed, like exercising & using the computer. Light from computer screens & TV wakes you up. Use that last hour to wind down-Take a bath? Make the bedroom very dark, even cover up the alarm clock. Use a noise machine (makes wave sounds etc.) to cover up disturbing sounds. Avoid caffeine in afternoon & evening. Try soundsleeping.com for free relaxing sounds downloads.



Put a lot of colorful, happy things around the house. Do nice things for yourself. Make a list of things that make you happy. On my list: bread fresh from the oven, the scent of Jergen's cherry almond lotion, the crisp sound of a saltine cracker breaking, fresh sheets on the bed, standing in the boat flicking topwater lures onto the water, etc. Use all your senses & read that list when you are breaking down



Work on time management if you are overwhelmed. Cut back on other responsibilities so you can spend more restorative time with friends & family. Ask for help if depression makes it hard to keep up with chores.



DON'T listen to sad music! It makes things worse! Listen to upbeat stuff- same with movies & novels.



DISTRACT yourself when you are hurting. Read a novel, watch a comedy, go out with friends, play cards, play a video game, whatever is mentally all-consuming. This is a VERY helpful tip!!



Volunteer. Research shows that helping others makes you feel better about yourself. It also keeps you more involved in the community. Many people find comfort being involved in religion. Get help from your pastor. Be aware that some pastors from conservative faiths don't “believe” in mental illness & will tell you to go off your meds & pray more – don't go to such a pastor for “help” if your faith is like this.



Put a half-smile on your face. Changing your expression is proven to help change mood.



Cognitive Behavioral therapy is the most effective kind of counseling. Try free computerized CBT at moodgym.anu.edu.au. Computerized therapy appears to be almost as effective as counseling, research shows.



Good luck. I learned this information from classes & books.

Answer 9

If she loves you very much then you wouldn't be getting a divorce. Don't let her confuse you about her feelings toward you. I think lots of the stress comes from uncertainty....get answers from her about what she wants. Exercising eliminates stress and anxiety. Your kids will always love you if you treat them with respect as they get older. It's never as bad as it seems and it will get better. Good luck!

Answer 10

First things first; get out of that depression, Its just fear that's overpowering you and negativity, Pray to the Lord God for a solution make a plan to try to solve ur situation,and if you can't solve anything hand it over to the lord, He will help you. Pray with eagerness and faith and ask God to change your view about things and to see things more clearly.

Answer 11

Honey honey honey- you are in mourning.

http://www.greaterswiss.com/mourning.htm

Go to that site and it will discuss the five stages of mourning. Some say there are seven some sixc, whatever . youll get the point. See what I am saying is that this will all pass. You ahve to go through the motions, becasuse that is what is healthy. go to that site and read. be well!

Answer 12

You need to go to the doctors if you haven't already. You probably need meds and counselling.



In the meantime why not join an online support group like http://mhsanctuary.freeforums.org/ - you'll get a friendly listening ear and support

Answer 13

Why are you getting divorced?