I read a quote that read "open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life your living?'' I honestly have no clue if I am. My life is all about not being sober and I'm only 15. I've been smoking hard since 12 and drinking since 12 but haven't really gotten into drinking till this year. I've been smoking everyday since 12, I used to take parents cash (One of my only regrets) to smoke but now I work a lot as a lifegaurd. I'm drinking a lot now too, ill drink the weekdays I don't work then go out partying on the weekends. My life just doesn't really have any value or it doesn't feel like it anymore. It sounds depressing but I'm not though, I'm just so numb from all the stuff I've done. I've taking a bunch of other stuff too I won't get into. I tried slowing down when school started but it ony lasted like 2 weeks. I think my memory is wiped out too, I never feel like studying because I'm usually high and know I won't remember. I don't really have any problems in life other than this. I actually love life, my life is really laid back but I don't think I'm satisfied with it. I don't even have anyone to talk to because this subject is too deep for them to give good advice on. If they do ill usually just blow it off and keep doing it. I kinda want to talk to someone professional but I'd have too much shame in that, I want to handle things on my own. I'm not really asking a question just for some wise life advice, even though ill probably dismiss it.