too scared to go out because i was raped.. will i get over this?

Question

ok so im 17, n on the 4th of june me n my best friend were drunk after spending most of the night in a bar.. anyways we ended up gettin stranded in the town cus we missed the last bus home n had no money left for a taxi n both our phone batteries had died :( so we were standin in the middle of belfast town gurning cus we didnt kno what to do when a fella came over n comforted us, told us we wernt safe in town alone at night n he was scared of somthing happenin to us.. he told us we could stay at his place for the nite n get a bus home next day in return for my mobile number because he said he realy liked me n wanted to get to kno me better. basically we trusted him n instead he took us home, raped me n beat up my friend...
we reported him n he was arrested the next day but was released again on bail the same day, he also breached his bail as he wasnt allowed to contact us but he rang me 3times n my friend once the same nite he got out on bail..we didnt answer,but it realy upset me again cus he was free n obv didnt care about his bail rules if he broke them same nite they let him out, was scared he would come for us cus we reported him!
but now the police ave taken mine n my friends phone to see calls n texts recived that day, so dont kno if hes still tryin to contact us...

but i havnt left the house without my ma or da being with me..im too scared 4 some reason, people in the street scare me..i sorta feel like strangers are bad people n you cant trust them at all, like if i were to be own my own the would kidnap me n kill me or somthing, ive also had alot of nightmares about strangers taking me away n raping me n killing me over this last few weeks... im realy worried im not going to get over this n alot of the fear is him coming after me or me running into him in the street! my ma n da havnt noticed my strange behaviour cus ive been covering it up n tellin everyone im fine cus i dont like the way everyone that know me have been upset over whats happened to me. i thought id be feeling better n back to normal by now, but im definatly not... do women realy get over this in tme or do they always feel scared? i dont know if i should still be feelin so scared.. i want to go to college in september but if im still feelin the way i am now i cant see me being able to do it cus male students are gonna have me terrified!

Answer 1

i'd reccomend joining a gang

Answer 2

You're obviously scared of it to happen again. But to be hones I don't think it will. I mean, I suppose that being raped is a terrible experience and it can give you nightmares at night and all.

But even if you are scared you have to move on, you can't live your life being scared. If that happens you'll never get married or have kids or be able to have a stable relationship with somebody you love or really like.

Sex is a very powerful weapon...but it isn't more than that...sex.

I suggest you to open up and tell people who worry about you what happened to you, I'm sure they'll understand.

just try as hard as you can to overcome your fear. be near to the people you love and you trust...they wont let anything happen to you.



and the next time...sorry for this but...try to not be an idiot and walk with a stranger, when you're lost and it's late at night.

Answer 3

Hey hun,



It hasn't even been a month since this traumatic event happened to you so I am not surprised you are feeling the way you are and in no way would I expect you to be "over it" by now, in fact I would be more concerned if you said you were and I am sure your family know you aren't "fine" but don't want to questuon you or upset you anymore than you have been.



You have been so brave to report the scum bag that hurt you and your friend, you did the right thing and it's not easy to do. I am glad neither of you answered your phone to him when he rang. The police have probably contacted him again since taking your phones with further warnings. He should be the one afraid to leave his home after what he did to you.



I think you and your friend need to seek counselling, just for someone to talk to about what happened in a safe way and to help you both get over it. I know your friend wasn't raped but she too is probably experiencing a lot of emotional effects too. I don't know where you are from but in Belfast there is a sexual abuse counselling service called Nexus, they are very good, professional and exerienced counsellors. There is also victim support and private counselling etc. I really do recommend that you get some proper support, I know its not easy to talk about it and maybe right now isnt the right time if you dont feel able to talk to someone but when you do I would recommend you see someone.



You will be able to cope with this over time, I don't know about "get over it" because it will always be an experience in your life that is likely to maybe affect how you think or feel about certain things but over time you will come to accept it and not feel afraid.



all the best

x

Answer 4

first of all, nothing that happened was your fault. you may have made a few wrong decisions but it is NOT your fault. not even in the least. this man is an awful discusting pig. the first thing you need to understand is that he is beneath you. this man.. he cannot even be called such. this disgusting, sick, demented coward does not deserve any of your time, worry, or tears. the worst thing you could do is to let this idiot stop you from achieving everything you want to do. the more you give up, the more he wins. i want you to succeed in life and you will see that when you are up on such a pedestal he and the misfortunes he brought will shrink away. i know that you want to forget this and act like it never happened, but honestly you neeeeed to face it. with the help of a doctor or family member you need to face your troubles. also try reading a bible. im not trying to force it on you, but spending time with god is sometimes the best medicine. sometimes he is the only friend that understands, the only father that sees. i appreciate you sharing. i know this is a hard time. yoou didnt deserve this. and HE doesnt deserve your life.

Answer 5

you will always feel this. in one way or another. get into a self defense class, carry mace, or take a class in how to handle a handgun.

get therapy and plus. if i were you, get some guys, that have baseball bats to beat the sh!t out of this predator. you should be beaten. the law will do nothing for rape victims. it is as if all women are and always have been second citizens.

perhaps a bunch of girls show get baseball bats and beat him into the pavement.

the law has no excuse for not taking care of females, old people or children the way they do.

i know how you feel you will always be looking over your shoulder and a lot of men are perverts. i don't know why, but all they have to think about is their penis's and to bring pain to women.

protect yourself. honey and God be with you. never again go out, without a fully charged phone, a safe ride and mace in your hand to ward off perverts. most perverts are friendly nice guys, mixed in with men that are truly good men. so they are hard to spot. plus do not ever drink a drink from a guy. you never know what they put in it.

that was very stupid of you to sleep at a strange mans house. he automatically thought you were saying, yeah, we are having sex. that is how they think. don't accept rides from strangers. stay with a group of girls or group of friends. I wish you peace and good luck. that is a very awful experience. you should have someone kick his *** until he knows what it's like to be raped. so sorry about your pain.

Answer 6

Yea there are alot of scum walking around these days but it doesn't mean everyones bad.. I'm sure going through what you did, this doesn't sound too convincing, but my ex g/f was raped when she was younger and she has gotten over it.. I can see it changed her a bit but eventually you're gonna have to let go or do whatever you gotta do to get closure.. If you've contacted the authorities about him then you've done all that you can.. Unless you want to persue him and take him to court or something.. personally, i would go and murder him myself for you cuz what he did was indescribable.. it infuriates me that low lives can still get away with **** like that... I'm verry sorry to hear about ur incident and i hope u can find peace =)

Answer 7

You may never get over this. This may haunt you for the rest of your life! A jerk like that needs to be behind bars! And I'm proud of you that you reported him! One less jerk out there hurting women!



Yes it will be hard for you to regain trust in people - but eventually you will. This may take time. Please just take caution next time. Don't trust anyone unless they have earned your trust. Do not go anywhere with a man you do not know (especially when drunk). Take precautions where ever you go so that you protect yourself and one day you will be able to trust people and have faith in humanity again.



When you get to college remember that trust is earned not given! Do not allow this experience to destroy you; let it make you stronger. It is not the struggle that defines our character, but the way in which we deal with our struggle!



keep your head up!

Answer 8

uhm, no. You are always gonna be scared. Something like this just doesnt go away. There are sick people in the world, who leave un-removeable scars on people. And this is just one of those cases which you are gonna have to live with for the rest of your life. You can learn to accept the fact that this happened to you, and there isnt much you can do about this... I know what you went through, I to was raped as a child. I was 14 years old on my way home from a friends place when someone grabbed me from behind, beat me, and raped me. I was left in a bush almost dead, when someone found me, and called the ambulance right away. it took me almost years to recover from something so terrible. I still am scared, but not as much as i used to be.

Answer 9

it is absolutely normal to still be scared, some people get over it some dont but my advice is maybe to talk to a counselor, being able to talk to someone could help you get over what happened and help you get everything out so you can move on. dont let that guy hold you back from college, you shoud go, just be careful and dont walk on the campus alone expecially at night.alo have you thought aout you and your family moving.

Answer 10

You will get over it but you must get wise, tough and serious about safety. Don't let it ruin the happiness and trust that is necessary in college life to make good friends.



You are young but you will grow and learn fearlessness.

Answer 11

God will always be there for us if we let him. We have to accept Jesus as our personal savior in this life. Jesus is the way. If it's ok with you could i speak to you one on one about your problems. Just click on my name and email me. Don't give up. Fight.