Do I have manic depression/bipolar or another disorder, or is this normal?

Question

If someone maybe suggested what this may be I would appreciate it so much, I won't get diagnosis on here but if I had some idea I would be less worried about going to see a doctor (I worry there's nothing wrong with me). Also, I'm an 18 year old female.

Right. I've always been a positive person, I'll have sad days and there was a time 2 years ago I cried so hard for about 10 hours because I realised how lonely I was (I don't have real close friends near to where I live, I survive off of my parents and "mates"), except that I've always been positive. I'm one of the most talkative people and I'm up for anything, extremely excitable and have a lot of motivation (e.g I can do an essay to good standard really last minute, I just get sh*t done).

However I've also had a sort of social anxiety (undiagnosed!), I got bullied quite badly during primary/high school (I went to 4 primary schools due to military background) and had some bad social experiences as a kid, so now I get anxious around people I don't know to a crazy level, I'm too anxious to try and make friends (though I do manage to get mates though in college I made about one I was so lonely and still am) and my hands sweat like god knows what.

Basically, I've always been happy, but recently I started seeing a guy and he was absolutely perfect, it wasn't for long so sounds ridiculous (literally 2 weeks), but stuff went down and he stopped meeting me (he has a pretty bad mental disorder-takes antidepressants) .... I cried for a month every. single. day. and this wasn't just a bit tearful this was actual weeping in my bedroom, I didn't go out or interact in social situations (except about 3 times I got dragged to do mini karaoke in a bedroom and went out for a night out - only went because he would be there). I was an absolute mess. Even before I didn't get to see him, if I thought I wouldn't see him one night I would cry because it was such a good match, I haven't experienced love before, and I didn't want to lose what could be something great.

After a month I met and chatted with him for about an hour, went home, cried. I saw him a few days later two nights in a row and it was so lovely, but he text me saying to not wait for him cause he can't see me and won't be with me. I broke down like god knows what. Also the day before I broke down because he said he might not be able to see me. I was so distraught I wanted to overdose on something. I've had suicidal thoughts twice or three times now since this stuff went down which scares me, as I've ALWAYS been SO SO against self-harm/depression. I know I won't take my life I'm too worried about pain/my family, but I completely lose the will to live. I realise I have nothing except my mum and dad, life is bleak, I feel hopeless that nothing will get better, love is all I need and I won't have it, I have so much love to give but nobody to give it to. The only reason I didn't was because a friend had asked if I wanted to try cannabis that night and I wondered if it would make me feel better. For this whole time I have been drinking a lot on my own and smoking cigarettes when I'm feeling reckless, I went for a run in the dark in a fairly dodgy area, I went on shopping sprees alone running around like a mad woman, I become desperate to get drunk and take drugs and I have a pretty high libido, except when I'm on a low, in which case I don't want any unless it's from him. I've looked into buying some things I shouldn't from a mate.

It's like I'm either in a horrible place (I've actually started knowing when it's going to come on and I have to force myself not to think about anything and stop myself crying), where I cut my own hair, get drunk, sob like someone's died, don't interact, I didn't eat much at all for a couple of weeks and missed a lot of university lectures because I had zero energy/motivation, OR I'll have better days, where I go on these shopping sprees alone, I feel almost unstoppable, I feel like I can do my essays well in no time at all, I want to go out at night and experiment and I talk loads and I'm really really energetic and up for anything.

I don't know what's wrong with me but the uncontrollable crying to the point I'm nearly screaming with distress and the thoughts of taking too many paracetamol and doing drugs have made me think it's something more. I know I have at least a slight anxiety and/or slight OCD because I repeat things during phases (light switches, blinking, sniffing, taking sips etc), but I looked into different disorders and manic depression seemed all so familiar, with the phases of being unstoppable/reckless/spontaneous (though I'm like this most of the time) and then these newer phases of completely horrific down times where I don't want to be alive anymore.

Answer 1

I only have a minute here to answer you, but it's not bipolar. BIpolar moods are disabling, and last weeks to months, and usually it's months, especially the depressions. Crying for 10 hours one night is NOT a mental disorder. The reckless mania stuff they are talking about is like driving 100 miles an hour, havning sex with strangers. When I was manic, I spent thousands on gold jewelry and craft supplies when I was in graduate school, and had computer and phone sex with strangers and drank 12 strong beers a day or MORE, when normally I am a prudish, miserly tea-totaller. The character change ruined my marriage and I literally went bankrupt. THAT's mania. In depressions, I cannot leave home, I am in bed all the time, or up watching TV and staring at the walls doing NOTHING of any use. I cannot open up a can of soup and heat it up. For months, this goes on.



I didn't read your stuff carefully, but it sounds pretty normal, and maybe some issues with the bullying that are unresolved. Get the Anxiety and phobia workbook by edmund bourne, learn meditation (free ones on youtube) and try Moodgym, a free computerized therapy program. Also the lucinda basset program is good, and you can get it used on ebay, but be sure the seller includes the workbooks. Good luck. Sounds like you need some coping skills, which can be learned.



You know, some things are quirks, sometimes people have trauma, sometimes people lack coping skills. Don't get stuck into this thinking that everything is a mental disorder! The psychaitrists will drug you up and ruin your life. I already had a bad life with the bipolar crap and I was sexually abused for many years by more than one person, so maybe there was never a chance for me, but the drugs I was prescribed made me a whole lot worse for many years. Do you REALLY want to sign up for that and become a career mental patient? Then quit looking for a diagnosis, and don't try to label normal human misery as mental illness. The people whom I know that are long term mental patients, all had very bad lives like me, and really bad dysfunction.

Answer 2

Good timing since you are now 18. Prior to then I don't think you'd have been diagnosed with anything but teen hormones. Plus they'd have contacted your parents.



What you say about sad and happy days sounds pretty normal to me and potentially hormones still kicking back as they wind up to leave. The distress you mention of the loss of your short term partner says that you were more emotionally involved than he was, maybe he felt pressured by that. For what ever reason he's decided to call it a day and you were devastated. When these things happen it's just like a bereavement, we miss them, we wish they were there and we go through phases of anxiety, depression and anger. It takes time to get over a bereavement and so it takes time to get over the loss of any partner. Feel free to take some time out for grieving over the loss, it's normal to do so.



I'm not sure your anxiety is anything beyond normal, we all need to have some anxiety to keep us watchful of anyone conning us or manipulating us. OCD could be in the making there or even the OCPD the personality disorder of OCD.



What you say about the high and low moods don't seem to be enough for a bipolar diagnosis so far. Still I think you may well have depression and the more often you suffer a depressive phase the higher the risk of it swinging into a manic phase afterwards. I think the normal happy days are just normal days for you that seem great in comparison to the depressed ones.



You seem to be managing to cope with a lot of this despite the suicidal ideas you mention. I can't tell how bad they are not being able to talk to you.



You will find someone to use your love on I promise you, he is out there looking for you!



The spending sprees sound like a way to cheer yourself up from the lows of loosing your ex-partner and there's nothing wrong with a bit retail therapy. If you are spending thousands you don't have I'd be more concerned. I think you're hurt and upset and emotional and suffering but you will work through this grief just as everyone who has lost someone through any means at all has to go through the various phases of grief at a death including death of a relationship.



I don't think you have bipolar but depression is a possibility and they can turn into bipolar down the line so get help. See your own doctor and explain about the depressive symptoms first to see if he thinks you are clinically depressed and if so they should give you antidepressants. That will be a way of resolving the manic side. In many cases of bipolar antidepressants make them manic. Be ready for that possibility but at least you'll get mood stabilisers instead that will help.



Good luck

Answer 3

I don't want to diagnose you because I'm not a medical professional, and frankly I'm not qualified too.

However, it is quite obvious that there is something wrong and you may have some type of mental disorder, or many. Mental illnesses are usually co morbid (appearing together) so you might have multiple.

You should definitely talk to the doctor and explain all of this.

It seems like you are suffering a lot right now, but the thing is once you get a diagnosis you will be able to get the help you need and deserve. Don't be ashamed to talk about your problems. You deserve to be happy.

I hope things get better for you. Good luck :)

Answer 4

I recommend you the following video.



You have abused/overused your internal processes of the mind and the body and now it's payback time!



When a mind and body are used above their natural levels - the create new but unnatural coping mechanisms of extremes. Unfortunately this creates a very unbalanced system that requires careful and disciplined corrective actions - mostly ones of relaxation, rest and retreat from the "regular" ways of living which have brought your system to such a condition.



Anything that you will do in your life now during the time of imbalanced system will end in failure, so stop as much activity of your life as possible and relax and regain peace of the mind and balance of your body (hormones). After that only, you'll function well again, once new ways of behavior, responding and control have been found useful and beneficial for you.



This is also a process of maturing - taking care of your limits and boundaries, setting priorities and sticking to a defined and refined morale system that is really TRUE WITH YOU, on all levels: body, mind and spirit.



This is a process of learning awareness and perception of truly important matters for Real You, not the one you've been creating so far (usually based on social expectations and demands). Only in the Real You you will have found peace and balance which will be presented to you as lack of this current dichotomy...



Been there, done that. It may take even months. It's a process of becoming truly, powerfully you as you are to be.



Besides all of this - you are on a path of taking responsibility for your well-being, your values, your preferences, ultimately your health and self-respect, as nobody will do this for you any more, especially other people - no matter how much they may be promising this to you. Only you will feel (by feeling at ease, relaxed, and fine) when you've found what works for you...



Good luck! Once you've learned this knowledge - it'll serve you for the rest of your life, and you'll become a beautiful well-rounded person!



Welcome in the adults world! :)

Answer 5

Crying doesn't necessarily indicate that you're bipolar. I don't ever really cry unless I'm pms and I have bipolar disorder. What you have sounds like social anxiety disorder but I would visit a professional just to be sure.