Question:
I have lived and worked in a new place far from home for 6 months, with terrible stress and depression. Help?
Matt M
2008-05-02 19:23:44 UTC
I moved to a small community far from home and took a job that was nothing like I expected from my one week interview. The stress of the job, in addition to trying to finish my last 14 hours towards my grad degree, with my boss saying he will make it impossible for me to finish, has caused such a drastic change in my physical and mental health. In addition, I have never been so lonely and depressed. I always make friends quickly, but 6 months have left me still alone. I don't know where to go from here. Counseling and psychiatrity in this small town is no help. In addition, I have no time off, so I can't visit home or see what else is out here. I need some advice because I can't continue this anymore.
Seven answers:
2008-05-02 19:37:22 UTC
Tell your boss you need time off or else he is going to lose you. Tell him you need a few days to go home and consider your options with your family and that perhaps you may be better of finishing your graduate school degree before coming back. If he doesn't like it, there will be tons of other opportunities for you once you get your Masters or Doctorate, whichever you are in graduate school for. He's probably just jealous that he isn't in college. or if he has a degree, perhaps he's angry you're about to be his equal :P



in the mean time... try some of these ideas to get you feeling a little better and back on your feet so to speak.



You could try meditation or all sorts of things along those lines to free your mind.

meditation is kind of like... mental cleansing. it's similar to writing and exercise in that it takes your thoughts out and teaches you balance and strength. try doing a google on meditation methods.



write poems, journals, blogs... keeping a journal is really helpful. buy a punching bag or a speed bag to vent on and try to increase your level of activity and function. you can exercise... do push ups, set ups, curls, crunches, lift weights, swim, run track, or go to a gym-- you can meet people, keep your mind free, and start to feel better about yourself while trying to learn to cope with your life changes.



Buy a stereo system and blare the music, or listen to soft music, whatever you like while enjoying a long shower or bath. Get some scents for your shower/bath and just enjoy the hot water. I don't know if you're a guy or a girl, but theres no shame in doing whatever works best for you.



Hope this gives you some ideas until you figure things out and good luck!
grannymoongardener
2008-05-02 20:13:50 UTC
Are you doing your grad work at a near by college university? Most offer counseling. You can try that first. If you are doing course work on line you can do it from your home town. Retreat home and start over. Recognizing a bad situation and moving on is not a failure but a sign of intelligence. The job you really need is out there somewhere.

You have to get yourself to a safe place so you can find it and it an find you.
David W
2008-05-02 19:33:18 UTC
Hey Matt... walk away dude. Sounds like you're in a place full of inbreeds led by your boss. You know it's not worth being there so take that step towards your happiness, a better job and finish that degree with pride. The job, the boss and the town isnt worth the hassels they have caused.
Jessica
2008-05-02 19:30:12 UTC
If you do not like the job that you have and its that much stress for you i would recommend you quit. or just look for a job while you continue this one. If you find that you like it then quit or turn in your 2 wks notice. You really need the time to yourself. To do a hobby or see friends. Stress is not a healthy thing that a lot of americans have to deal with everyday.
PeaceEasy
2008-05-02 19:32:50 UTC
You have to get yourself out of that situation. I would put my two weeks in right away and start looking for a new job. As for the stress you have now, I would start a journal to write in. I honestly didn't think one would help me and my anger issues, but it did. It's a good way to vent your frustration.
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2016-11-07 02:23:00 UTC
If it is the US... this may well be coated by applying FLMA. although, there are particular standards. (a million) You needed to declare it as scientific circulate away, below FLMA. in case you trouble-free "went on trip," then it does not count selection. (2) you are able to have a bona fantastic scientific situation. a physician (or approved scientific well-being expert on your case) could certify which you have a scientific situation that's extreme sufficient which you're no longer able to artwork. "no longer able to artwork" is fundamental. in case you have been able to artwork (even with a changed schedule or different "attention"), then FLMA does not count selection. (3) You company could have 50 or greater workers. There are greater distinctive specifics in this, yet it is truly the degree. (4) you have worked to your company for no less than a three hundred and sixty 5 days and for 1250 hours over the past three hundred and sixty 5 days. (5) you are able to supply a minimum of 30 days observe, except your situation grew to become into unexpected. With melancholy, that's no longer unreasonable to assume which you provide 30 days. If all of it is authentic and additionally you declare it as FLMA inclusive of your HR branch, you upward push as much as twelve weeks. Unpaid, except your worker concurs to pay. you're allowed to do the 12 weeks in 2 chunks. interior the tip, this is going to come again right down to despite if or no longer your situation actual prevented you from working. "rigidity" on my own isn't seen a scientific situation for which a individual won't be able to artwork. you desire to be clinically determined with a sufficiently severe scientific melancholy and be below a physician's care. And, i won't be able to rigidity this sufficient: you had to have been no longer able to artwork. You worker can require a 2nd or third opinion, in the event that they pay. If the different medical doctors say you are able to artwork (even with truly some rigidity), then no cube. except you have been hospitalized or below significant drug scientific care, that's not likely a violation of the FMLA. And in case you probably did no longer ask for FLMA (or you/your company does not meet the talents), then they are allowed to self-discipline you/fire you.
2008-05-02 19:35:36 UTC
Save your $ and leave, ASAP! Look for another job, while employed: the law guarantees you time off for religious practices, and recreation: find out, and demand it! Finish the grad degree as a priority! ~~~ A certain level of stress is unavoidable, in modern society, so it is a good idea to develop effective coping methods. See stress treatments, at ezy build, below on page 42. Practise daily, one of the relaxation techniques on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i; whichever works best for you, but the mindfulness breathing for 15 - 20 mns is ideal, although the progressive muscle relaxation can be learned quickly, and takes only several minutes, if pressed for time. Employ the EFT version for use in public, for which you can reasonably claim that you have a headache, as you massage/tap your temples, but it may be advisable to restrict yourself to subvocalising (saying it to yourself, in your mind, not aloud). Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o refer. "Even though I sometimes suffer from stress, I deeply and completely accept myself".



(The following is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective). Prior to using either of the methods in the above paragraph, first sit comfortably, and take a deep breath. Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: a thousand and one: this takes approximately a second). Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times. Then close your eyes and relax. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner. Then, repeat the procedure one last time. Some people may find that this is all they need do. With experience, you may find that you can practise this in public, with your eyes closed, which greatly widens the window of opportunity for its use, and avoids attracting unwanted attention.





You can also multitask, using the gazing technique, as you walk/jog or exercise, by focusing on a distant object, noting any thoughts which flash across your mind, without pursuing any particular train of thought, just gently redirect your focus to the gazing. Yoga, or Tai Chi may suit others, better, or use them all. For some people, visualisation of a quiet, relaxing scene, like a tropical beach, (feel the sun warming you, as a gentle breeze caresses your skin lightly, inhaling the tangy, salt laden spray from the sparkling, translucent, aqua waves, crashing on the white, coral beach sand, as the seagulls swoop and cavort playfully overhead in a cloudless, azure sky; you feel just like one of them; free to soar and cartwheel, or just glide, in the moist, heavy air, and that this moment will last forever..... Some people may find it helps when they listen to: http://www.amazon.com/Sounds-Of-The-Ocean/dp/B000XSX6E6/ref=pd_sim_tdbs_dmusic_title_2/002-9404631-0817638) Other suggestions: http://www.secretsofmeditation.com/demo.htm

and the audio, as well as the printed version, at: http://www.lessons4living.com/relaxation.htm and http://www.amazon.com/Ambient-Rain-Sound-Sleep-Relaxation/dp/B000QPXNA8 or the mountain river sounds. Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily, replacing 2 of them with cod liver oil supplements, or a teaspoonful of the oil (I spread mine on toast, and mask its strong taste with fishpaste, and pepper), in the winter months only. Those people who receive adequate exposure to sunlight, daily, won't need the vitamin D from cod liver oil, but many people, particularly those in latitudes far from the equator, find this difficult, to achieve. Eat healthily, in accordance with your "nutritional type" as determined at http://www.mercola.com/ SEARCHBAR.



Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", herbal tea (from supermarket tea aisles) from Celestial Seasonings, or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile tea is a more palatable option. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk.



Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, (health food stores) or fruit sugar (fructose, such as "Fruisana", from supermarket sugar aisles) or even a little honey, because these will reduce "sugar spikes", which later deplete you of energy. Minimise/eliminate consumption of highly processed foods, particularly grain products, such as white bread, donuts, cake, cookies/biscuits, or anything with sugar. Opt for more wholefoods, non-starchy vegetables, and fruit. ~~~ Depression: I suggest: (1.) Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily, (certified free of mercury) with an antioxidant, such as an orange, or grapefruit, or their freshly squeezed juice. If vitamin E is used, it should be certified as being 100% from natural sources, or it may be synthetic: avoid it. (2.) Work up slowly to 30 - 60 minutes of exercise, daily. (3.) Occupational therapy (keeping busy allows little time for unproductive introspection, and keeps mental activity out of less desirable areas of the brain). (4.) Use daily, one of the relaxation methods in sections 2, 2.c, 2.i, or 11, and/or yoga, Tai Chi, and/or the EFT, in sections 2.q, 2.o, and section 53, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris whichever works best for you. (5.) Initially, at least, some form of counselling, preferably either Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy, or Rational Emotive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. (6.) As options, if desired, either a known, effective herbal remedy, such as St. John's wort, or a supplement, such as SAMe, taken with a vitamin B complex which is certified as being 100% of natural origin, or Inositol (from vitamin and health food stores, some supermarkets, or mail order: view section 55).

Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this. I have read many books on depression, but if there is a better, more easily read, and quickly implementable one, I have yet to encounter it. If the amount of daylight you have been exposed to recently has reduced, perhaps due to the change of seasons, see Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) in section 2, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and, instead of taking around 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily; replace 2 of them with cod liver oil supplements for the winter months only! (or, as probably a better alternative to the 2 cod liver oil supplements: 1 teaspoonful of cod liver oil, with a little butter, to ensure its use; I take mine on sourdough rye bread, or toast, covered with fishpaste, and pepper, to mask the strong taste). Optimal levels are 50 - 55 ng/ml (115 - 125 nmol / L). It should be above 32 ng/ml.



Don't use medications and supplements together, without medical advice, except for Omega 3, which is safe, anytime. Omega 3 fish oil supplements: EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid (omega 3) ----360 mg.DHA (docosahexaenoic acid (omega 3)-----240 mg

Take enough supplements to attain, or exceed the levels (no possibility of overdose) of those every day, with an orange, or the juice of a freshly squeezed orange, grapefruit, or other antioxidant.

(make sure the epa is higher then the dha) important for adults... kids need the opposite levels: more dha than epa, but all are beneficial, if you can't achieve the recommended proportions.



Consider having your doctor test your vitamin D levels, (60% of depressed people have low vitamin D levels!) using the 25 Hydroxyvitamin D test. Those people who receive adequate exposure to sunlight, daily, won't need the vitamin D from cod liver oil, but many people, particularly those in latitudes far from the equator, find this difficult to achieve.



If the above is insufficient for you, after several months, (unlikely) try one of the alternatives, such as the neurofeedback, magnetic, or low current electrical stimulation, or EMDR therapy, (see section 33, at ezy build) keeping ECT back, as a last resort. There is a quiz about depression, through sections 1, and 2, at ezy build, below: print the result, and take along to your primary mental health care provider. With depression, there is a choice of possible treatment types which needs to be made, and you can decide to use either allopathy, (modern Western medicine) with its reliance on antidepressants and therapy, or alternative treatments, which I advise trying first. This is because antidepressants are known to increase the rates of suicide, homicide, and aberrent behavio(u)r, particularly with young people, and often have unwanted side effects, such as sexual dysfunction, and/or weight gain.



Tests have shown that apart from clinical (major) depression, their results were not significantly superior to those taking a placebo (inert, or "sugar pill"). Antidepressants retain a degree of long term effectiveness for only around 30% of people. There is a saying in the mental health field: "If the only tool you have in your kit is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as a nail". So it goes with doctors, and their prescription pads: handy, quick, and convenient, when trying to manage their large list of patients, and often allocating only several minutes to each.



Most of them are only trained to provide antidepressants and referrals for therapy, with those whose depression is resistant to those treatmen


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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