Obsession with mental illnesses I do not believe exist?

Question

I never stop thinking about mental illness. I really rely on imagining concepts concerning me and it, I really used to feel high off imagining situations, now I cannot stop. I suspect myself of all kinds of mental disorders. I think badly (see a previous question). My mother describes me as having "an erratic personality."
I cannot form lasting relationships; my former best friend told me I had psychological disorders and personality disorders and a mixture of OCD and schizophrenia, but then she just eventually told me to shut up and that I only want to have things wrong with me and I sort of wonder if she did this just to see if by someone telling me Im just a hypochondriac or pathetic in obsession I wouldnt really have problems anymore. To see if it could be psychosomatic. I can't trust her because I never knew what she was taking note of and I told her too much.
Also she began by saying kindly that I was a very paranoid person, and those things just arent real, and no one wants to hurt me -- then towards the end told me simply she thought I was just acting stupid, stop saying stupid things, your theories are stupid.
I switch from thinking I'm one of the most attractive people I know, and the accompanying elated mood to believing Im absolute scum, ugly disgust, with accompanying self-hatred. I will look at some one lowly, dirty and see that I look like them in some way, my hair, my eyebrows, and rush to a mirror, to find I really do not -- but still I fear the mirror is lying, or the camera, so I will ask my friends who will say of course I do not look like that unattractive person, no. In the beginning.
Eventually they got sick of re-assurring me. If it is bad I will avoid being around these unattractive people. I cannot sit straight, I cannot look anyone in the eye, they have made ME ugly.
Sometimes I think that no one else exists and that I through some lapse am allowing the illusions of my mind (that is you) to suction away my energy, my attractiveness and my intelligence, and take it for themselves. I know this is true sometimes and I can tell because whenever Im not having much thought at all, much less intelligent thought, those around me say very clever things. And whenever I am death horrible ugly those around me are all beautiful. There are so many complications; my image in the mirror can change while I am looking at it and I do wonder if maybe all mirrors are a collective lie, put there just to mess with my head, and I will never know what I truly resemble.
But sometimes I just think im crazy, like with my theories on the freemasons living under my house, sometimes I dont believe it. But the thing is I dont believe in mental illness. I am obsessed with it and want it, but I know it is just a creation, a confusion that those who would like to overtake me and do not live here--but this will take too long to describe. Just suffice to say that if I ever treated for anything, which I have been, I would believe it is brainwashing. How, then, can I be so desperate?

Answer 1

I think you have this huge creative mind and you don't know how to chanel it! I think I understand what you are saying but i also think that you are like me we get depressed sometimes and we lose our self esteem in our depressed minds to all the awful things we are surrounded by in in this life. I do not know what else is going on with you but if you started writing it down and keep a journal i think you can learn alot about yourself that way. Also if you can, find a good councilor in your area that you feel comfortable talking too, it feels good to just talk to someone who understands and can care. People care! But mostly chanel that into some creative outlet. sometimes creative Intelligent people go through horrible things inside their heads! Good luck!

Answer 2

So....a slightly different take on your last post?



Same or similar header? check



Same type of content? check



Scientology? Probably.



Did you hear the one about the girl who was taken from a mental ward and killed herself shortly after arriving at a Scientology center?

Answer 3

You sound too self-centered and selfish. Perhaps try helping people out and stop focusing too much inwardly.

Answer 4

What? who said that?



Damn ghosts and echos

Answer 5

Shouldn't you be telling your therapist all this?