Lonely what do I do?????????

Question

Well I'm 18 & I have no social life or friends anymore & have been a complete loner for a year now & it's horrible I only see my mum & haven't had a text message since April!! I should be out their developing normal relationships with people but i'm not. I always liked to have time by myself but would go out & mix but now it's just a living hell now it's horrible.

My friend were never really true friends at all. I man I knew this one guy who I used to see every weekend but since he got a GF I saw him once after that & haven't seen him since & that was last October & my other "friends" just don't bother with me, so stuff em.

I also have a lot of identity problems & some low confidence issues that are effecting me & preventing me from doing stuff.

I'm also taking a year of college (uk) but don't have a job at the mo.. or ever had a job lol so my head is doing cart wheels as i'm stuck in the house for weeks as I live in rural wales.

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear how things are at the moment. BUT, it can get better and you have to be the driving force of it and be determined to make changes and compromises in your life. You need to ask yourself why things have become like they have. Why don't your friends contact you anymore? Is it because you didn't bother with them so much that they didn't see any point in hanging around? Or is it because they didn't have the same interests as you? Maybe you could take the first step and call one of your friends and ask to meet up for a coffee and chat? See if you can get in with one or two of them again. You never know, they may miss you! It seems from your question that it was you who has isolated yourself from the world from your identity problems and low self esteem. Try to start off doing a new hobby or interest, something that is important to you. That way, you might meet more people which could build your social confidence. Same with looking for a job, it opens up all opportunities. You just have to push yourself to make it better, as its you that is suffering. Take steps at your pace. Good luck.

Answer 2

You could talk to me me, then you won't be so lonely :P



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I know where you're coming from. I've gone through isolation. Many, many years worth, and it sucks the big one. And I could use some company, so by all means, give me a bell.



As for confidence, that's something you either have to teach yourself, or be taught. Should be developing normal relationships?



I gotta say, if I had held onto the beleif that I should be developing normal relationships, I'd be a seriously unhappy (maybe even suicidal) person! Should is just a thoery. Normal is just a line on a graph.



Be friends with who you want to be friends with. (Be friends with yourself.)



Stuck in a house in rural Wales? My goodness, what a terrible coop :p You're smack in the middle of some of the UK's most beautiful countryside, and you're cooped up in a brick and wood structure? Oes noes :P



Get out and have a walk. At least an hour everyday. You'd be amazed what a simple walk will do for your mood and outlook. A walk a day helped get me out of suicidal intentions, hon. Go and enjoy that beautiful countryside. Take a book, go sit in the woods or on a fence, or on the patio, read and watch the Autumn sweep by.



Go for a run. Roll down a few hills. Don't worry about looking stupid :p You have to take your pleasure where you find it. Then get online, and join some chat rooms, start some conversations on forums etc. Talk to people. That's what I do for my company.



Maybe you could do an online course of some kind? Or join an online group, like a club?

Answer 3

I'm not clear about something - if you're taking a year of college, then aren't you meeting people there? Or are you taking a year off from college?



It's easy to say, "Just get out and go somewhere" but I know how difficult it can to to take that first step outside. Still, you know it must be done.



Why not start small? Take a book with you and go for a walk until you find a place you'd like to sit and read. Or take a notepad instead of a book and write. You can make lists or set goals or just write what you're feeling.



There must be a pub or Main Street somewhere there, correct? Take that book or notepad and get to town. When you see people, smile at them. Start conversations. At the very least, you'll get experience in small talk.



You can work up from there. Perhaps you can get a line on a job or a place to live close to a job.



Whatever you end up doing, just remember - time is going to pass no matter what you do. Would you rather spend it inside and alone? Or would you rather take a chance at a better life?



Good luck and I hope things work out for you. My family was from Tenby and it's so beautiful over there.

Answer 4

Yeah, I'm 25 1/2, and I feel the same way. I've given up on making friends because it seems they don't care to be friends with me--like they have enough friends and they don't need me. Haven't even had a decent date in a long time and that really bugs me! My life gets so depressing with I think about not having anybody, and all I do is go home, go to school at Augusta State, and go to work, then repeat the process. Depressing, huh? I don't know how to change it.

Answer 5

Well, I think anyone would be lonely in rural Wales.

You should try moving to a large city, people are very social in large city's. Try going out, call someone, I don't know... be fun!

If you want a change then get a haircut, do something you don't do usually, be different.



Best of luck to you!

:)

Answer 6

hi.



sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment, being lonely is a major headf**k especially when your young, and living in a rural area wont help matters. i think first of all you really need to boost your confidence a bit, go on sites like face party that gives you the chance to talk to girls and make online friends, myspace is a good one too, just add friends rather than wait for people to add you, get used to using social skills again will boost that. is there any classes you could go to in your area? even if your not THAT interested in them it will still give you the opportunity to meet new people or even set one up yourself, you could arrange online a social meeting in a pub for people like yourself.

Answer 7

i know how it actually feels like! well.. first try to write down what is keeping you masked from your social life. Then you know exactly what you need to improve on- whether it is that you are afraid of people--i don't know. Then take action. Go out to town and say hi and compliment others..or do something crazy that will attract people! try to wear red- i know it sounds crazy but it works.... and do something you would really love to do... hope this helps =)

Answer 8

You have to make the effort. You cant expect your friends to do all the hard work. Go out, join the gym, do classes, get a job and make the effort with people you meet. I know its hard, but it will pay off!

Answer 9

Be yourself. Accept yourself. Get outside, get some fresh air and go travelling during your year off... travelling alone is the best way to meet people.. test yourself...

Answer 10

want to go to germany? thats what im doing cos i was bored, im also taking a year out from college

Answer 11

snap out of it.

only you can change your life.

buy new clothes, get a new haircut, i don't know, do something that makes you feel pretty.

meet new people.

don't be so serious.