How to tell someone that you are being abused?

Question

Hello Y!A,

Basically I am being abused by a family member at the moment, physically and mentally. I have already confided in one friend about it (reluctantly-considering I didn't really tell her she forced it out of me and made correct assumptions). But another friend is trying to talk to me, they told me if I only ever do one thing for them they would like it to be to tell them what's up with my home life. I want to, I really do. I have to tell them soon as they are going away and it has to be done over email, unfortunately. How do you think I should go avout this? What do you think I should say, and how should I say it to concern her in the least? And any other advice, expirience sharing etc would be greatly appreciated!
Bit of extra details: this friend found out that I have issues with hurting myself (self harm). they also know about how I feel very lonely. There is so much I need to tell her but I don't know how. Also are there any songs you know of that relate to mysituation which I could also show her? Sorry if I am asking a lot of you, it is just I trust people I don't know because they are not able to let you down more than once (usually). But thanks anyways.

~ Tyleena x x x

P.S: Sorry aboutspelly mistakes and such. I am on an alien keybored (tiny toch screen!)
P.P.S: sorry if this question confuses you a bit, the mobile Y!A has changed so I annot go back and make corrections, sorry.
P.P.P.S: Sorry about all these P.S' I shall stop now!

Answer 1

Hi Tyleena,

This reminds me of something I recently went through, where someone started confiding a lot in me (can't tell you what as it was in confidence but real sad stuff) which made me spill all these dark secrets which NO ONE apart from me knew before. Everything from attempted suicides (when it came down to it I just couldn't do it, yes I'm that pathetic) to home and personal issues. So I do understand a bit of what it's like. Though not abused by family members certain conditions that my family have but lots of stress on me and have made be more depressed. As for personal, bullying mainly and lack of any self confidence.



Talking can help, I'm serious. I'm not sure if the girl who confided stuff in me has talked to many others but I feel that I've helped her and she's helped me just by talking. (We do not know each other in real life, she lives 1000s of miles from me). This in a way appealed to me as if everything went wrong and she took it the wrong way or I suddenly regretted it I could cut off contact easily. As well I am a loner, can easily spend school holidays never seeing people form school etc. doesn't bother me much.



Anyway enough bout me, was just saying that to relate a bit.



So yeah, can you trust this other person you kinda want to tell not to overreact? Not to go bout spreading it? And above all be supportive and understanding. To me they sound very sincere about wanting to help you or at least understand what's going on. I'd say go on tell them, but only if you are comfortable with them knowing. If they already know about your self harming it is probably best to tell them the whole story, they may tell others who would try and "help" you as they don't understand themselves why you do it.



As for songs, I find that rock and metal often conveys these sort of emotions or stories very well. Other genres can to but there's just the raw emotion in the lyrics of rock (emo especially I find) which drags it out for me.



So here's a couple.



Hurt by Nine Inch nails, this one relates to loneliness and self harming I think. Listen carefully to the lyrics and the way they are said. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvJKVKglIRs&ob=av2n



Another self harm song, lyrics are powerful but also speak of home about being saved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKuzaPV-af4



This one makes me laugh a little as one of the suicide attempts were stopped by someone seeing me, it was a young child I couldn't walk off the cliff knowing she could see me it just didn't feel right. Then by the time she went the moment was gone.



Anyway here it is, it might not apply directly to you but it's worth listening to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyQI7tmkG4





This one also relates to what you've said. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diaHnF-zfEg



Also this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsqKH_VIrng&ob=av3e



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL2ZwXj1tXM&ob=av3e



This one is quite different to the others, but I've listed to it a few times and it helped me once or twice just like these other songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUfgAbFY4CA



This one might go with the family problem, I haven't experienced this much so can't reccomend many sorry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He4UYikvGBs



A bit more upbeat http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENwIVw2h3SQ



I hope these songs and what i have said can help you in some small way. I wish i could do more, I always do.



I advise you to try and get help, tell other family members what that persons been doing to you, there are many ways of abuse physical gets too much attention nowadays, the psychological damage can be worse for that you need support. If you tell your friends, see if they would be comfortable supporting you in telling the rest of your family, or even better a Councillor or even a teacher, anyone in a position to help you really.



I hope things get better for you, I mean it no one deserves this.

Answer 2

First off I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I have been in the same situation as you. I've been verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused. I tried for over a year to get help. I wasn't believed and than I found a teacher of mine that I really trusted so one day when we had fished class for the day and were waiting for the bell to ring, when everyone else was just hanging out in the hallway I asked the teacher btw shes a female I asked her if I could talk to her about something. Never did tell her what I needed to talk to her about. The following Monday since the class was working in the library she took me out into the hallway, we sat down and I just told her everything that was going on at home. She believed me, got me some resources that could help me. She was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and when I needed someone. My advice to you is talk to someone you trust about what is going on at home. If you keep it a secret than you won't get help and the abuse may get worse. I'm proud to say that I am now 18, just graduated from high school and I go to a counselor once a week to help me move froward with my life after dealing with the abuse since I was a child.



Here is the number for the National Abuse Hotline: [phone]

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation. I ran away a week after i turned 17. There's nothing my dad could do about it. I was of legal age to move out. I told my best friend and she was the one who helped me figure out what to do and gave me a place to stay with her family. Her parents were the only ones that knew but after i moved out i told everyone. Most of my family doesnt believe me because my dad is one of those guys who act completely harmless around people but behind closed doors its hell. My boyfriends family and my mom and siblingsbelievee me and have been standing by my side ever since. If you have close friends that you can trust then you should be able to tell them. Just think, they may be able to really help you figure out what to do. It's never good to be in a situation as this. Try to help yourself and get out of there so it doesnt completely screw with you're head in the long run.

Answer 4

It's okay! Its really important you tell somebody about this who can help, its lovely your friend can support you but you need the right advice! I think you should not tell friends for the moment and go to a counsellor that specifies in these areas, they will know how to help you and stop this happening. it may be hard but it will be worth it and you'll have your life better, its fine you don't need to apologise, these things happen a lot in the world sadly, and the mistake people make are not telling anyone. Please tell someone.

Answer 5

You are being abused and you should tell someone imediatly. How to tell them? I know it's hard. I would reccomend you calling childline: 0800 1111. They truly understand all your problems. If it's hard speaking about it you can go on the childline website and chat to them in a sort of Skype/messenger online way. That way, you don't have to use your voice. I know you never asked about telling childline but I thought you should know. Anyway, I think the conversation should go something like this.



"Hi (her/his name). I need to tell you something privatly" Then go into a private area. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a while but I couldn't get my words out. I am being abused by a family member" Then you could stop there or go into as much detail you feel comfortable with. I don't know about a song. Maybe, Who's Laughing Now by Jessie J when you tell someone who could sort it out. I know that songs not perfect to your emotions but that's all I got.



Hope you found this useful.

Answer 6

My best advice to you is go see a counselor. I had self mutilation issues of my own growing up. I started seeing a therapist and she helped me cope in other ways. You are only disassociating with pain because you are unaware of other coping skills. Good luck darling!