Do I have a mental/personality disorder? Im 15 and confused! HELP PLEASE!!?

Question

ok so where do i begin. lets start with the basics.
at school i put on a show for everyone and act all nice,funny, and talkitive and actually interested in my peers lives...

I AM NOT AT ALL!
i have to socialize, thank god i am good at it though, but i HATE IT! i hate trying to act like i care when i dont, i am not learning anything from making small talk just to avoid awkwardness.

i have these cycles of everythings either going really good or really bad. really happy or really stressed. rarely do i have anything in between, I CANT STAND IT!

i will either be all happy and joking and laughing one minute and then say an hour later i will be like what the he!!, leave me alone.

i love to be alone, its like pulling teeth to get me out of the house to hang with my friends on weekends.

and recently, i have gotten bad anxiety. i am SEVERLY afraid of the dark, shadows, spiders, centipedes, ghosts, even the mere thought of tight spaces, and losing my mom.
these thoughts consume me all the time.

and i also have daydreams or nightdreams of me murdering my father or just losing my mind because sometimes when i get so paranoid i feel like i am in the bell jar! i feel for synthia plath!

can anyone tell me what the hell is up with me?
you should also know that i am usually a really cool laid back girl who never EVER gives my mom or anyone for that matter attitude or grief. i am just having this odd internal battle and need answers.

i hate feeling this way cause i am very mature for my age and i act and think like an adult, most of the time, and i dont want people to say, oh thats just hormones, it isnt and it doesnt feel like just hormones.

ANY IDEAS ON WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!??
oh and occasional, but not to often thoughts of suicide, its more of me thinking of killing others.
nobody close to me though, just teachers and stuff

Answer 1

I would think the best thing you could do is seek some professional help or speak with an adult who you trust. If you think there is a possibility that you will act out any of your suicidal thoughts then seek help immediately, don't wait or put it off.

Answer 2

While I don't think that termination will solve any of your problems, it is certainly an option I would display to any 15 year old, right along with adoption. 15 is way too young to be having a baby. I know that years ago people had babies young - but we live in a different world. I don't know any 15 year old who is financially, emotionally or physically stable enough to provide for a baby. I believe that as parents we should desire to be the best parents we can possibly be - and sometimes that may mean giving the baby a better life through adoption, or terminating the pregnancy before it is a consideration. My best friend had her oldest at 16. I know from her experience how hard it is for a kid to have a baby... currently, my step-son's 15 year old GF is pregnant. I know neither of them are ready for parenthood... Obviously, you know what causes pregnancy. If you are not going to be abstinent, get on birth control, pills, IUD... use condoms, SOMETHING! After you decide (and only you can decide) what to do about the pregnancy - I'd recommend seeking out some counseling of some sort. Having sex with six guys within a matter of a week or two - that doesn't make you a 'slag' in my mind... it makes you a young girl in need of something more. Seriously talk with someone professionally to figure out what that something is - please. Lastly, sex doesn't mean love. Sex means sex. I know that at 15 emotions are ultra strong... but honestly, most people I know - didn't know who they were at 15, let alone who someone else was - a necessity for love... I'm willing to bet when you're 30 or so, you'll totally agree. Good luck to you and any decision you make. And for real, be proactive in finding someone to talk to (professionally)... you are not stuck, you have options... but love yourself!

Answer 3

These feelings are not uncommon, many experience them, very few ever get anywhere near acting on them. It is all founded in anxiety which to some extent is necessary and normal. Because you would class yourself as a mature and responsible person you have higher expectations of yourself to others and this compounds the situation.

This will pass - it is not odd, help yourself by accepting this as a stage in your necessary development, get active and get creative do something to make something it will help just calmly listen to your feeling and express them in some way you never know it may end up helping others, at some stage in the near future you may find volunteering of value.

The very best wishes - you can do it.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have manic deppresion. The not wanting to social thing is a common sign of deppresion. Am I right in thinkng the whole wanting to kill others thing is more about you feeling out of controll of your self? Like your sceard you might do it, and that you feel this whole life is compleatly staged and unimmportant? It also sounds like you have angsity and phobias by the way you explained your fear of darkness and spiders, ect. Have you sufferd abuse in the past? If you have you might be experancing some type of post tramatic stress disorder. I really think you should get some proffesional help, You may find having just on person know helps alot. If it seams to impossable you could tell some one, but not be to spefic, it may be all it takes to make you feel better. Best of luck!

Answer 5

1st don't do it(kill/murder anyone) 2nd I hate small talk but remember what your "friends" like you cant expect teens to be very mature don't expect them to have very deep conversations with them but try to bring up some topics that affect them and that are interesting like school uniforms places to go abroad about your mood swings it happens to everyone (sorry but hormones are a big part off it especially in girls) about your mom you are realizing you are realizing that ppl don't live forever and that's all I got

Answer 6

You seem extremely stressed out. something is bothering you and its your attitude. find something that relaxes you and do it everyday. listen to music take a bath pamper yourself every once in awhile and dont worry about what other people think of you. it could be that you are 15. i remember being 15. dont let things get to you.

Answer 7

not everybody has to like everybody-and jesus calm down a bit. Ur fine ur just tired of yourself. You act nice towards everyone because u think you have to care but you dnt. Anyway something's stressing u out to make u think these things so the best thing to do is to figure out WHAT that is.



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