Do self-help writers underrate empathy?

Question

Is anyone else bothered by what seems to be self-help marketing that strokes the ego of the victim and puts the blame on everyone else? I see it happen very often especially on the net. Here's an example: http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849
It doesn't consider whether the other, so an evil partner may have problems with intimacy, maybe even as a result of prior abuse, and maybe recognition of the villain's problems will help mend and preserve a relationship? Doesn't empathy with the abusive one facilitate understanding and healing? Instead this article just points fingers. I don't know about you, but if I was in an abusive relationship I would be more compelled to read an article that doesn't portray my partner an evil, dehumanized cipher. Being in emotional distress doesn't exactly compel me to point fingers either, becuase I know that's just an emotional reaction. Is it good self-help or is it just an ego-stroking "sales pitch"

Answer 1

I agree with your point of view, and quite a few sites do ego stroking because it's effective for selling their wares, especially to people who are looking for "miracle" cures, or a way to deflect blame of themselves. I think that more reputable sites, such as the one i listed as a source, tend to be more about the person taking on the problems himself.

Answer 2

One of the biggest fallacies ppl in abusive relationships make is mistaking self-sacrifice for emphathy. When hubby comes home and beats up honey and she in turn rubs his shoulders making it all okay, that's a woman who needs to recognize that she's stuck in a way of thinking about herself that is not at all healthy. Treating abuse victims is not about the other anyway. It is about healing the individual and helping her/him to undo self-destructive thinking. If you've ever known someone who was truly abused, s/he almost always finds excuses for the abusers behavior. That's why the focus of these self-help books is what it is. I'm not defending them cos most seem to be written for money. Good ones don't focus on blame. They focus on the victim's internal dialogue and self-concept. Personally, I believe ppl should seek out a trained therapist and get professional counselling. As with all things, there are some who use these books to support blame instead of dealing with their own issues. That's unfortunate.

Answer 3

I'm not big on self help books or magazines. I think support groups do it best, that being said, there are some self help books that are exactly as you said and I feel they are pretty much worthless. But there are a few (very few) that actually don't try to place blame (on any one). And only try to explain how to deal with -------->

(fill in the blank) Interesting '?'....... Are you the one in need of empathy, or sympathy