I feel like living any longer is torture. I'm not supposed to be alive. I have no right to live. Can you help?

Question

I'm tired of suffering. My life is a waste. No one cares about me. I'll never get ahead. I keep falling down more & more, like rocks falling down a cliff & not being able to be pulled back up. Not even with a rope.

I feel sick. Very sick.

But I'm afraid to go to the mental hospital. It's no help at all. All they do is abuse me. No one would miss me if I died today or tomorrow. Especially my family. I'm tired of being misused & abused. I've done nothing to deserve to be hated. Why? My stomach is tied in knots. I feel nauseated. Feels like I'm about to gag & splatter all my guts out.

I really don't want to die. I'm afraid. But my life is a waste & it won't improve. If I can't live a normal life like everyone else, then it's pointless for me to live. I'm 25 & people won't even allow me to make a decision of whether or not to go use the bathroom. I feel like I'm on house arrest.

I reach out for help, & all people do is laugh in my face & falsely accuse me of trying to seek pity or attention. I'm not. I REALLY need help. & so-called professionals are making my life worse. Nothing works. Meds don't help. Not even Wellbutrin. I'm tired of this UNDESERVED punishment, abuse & torture.

Answer 1

Dear QQ,



Oh, hon! I am so sorry you're struggling so much! (((((QQ)))))There are people who would miss you and who care about you! (I'm one of 'em!)



Knowing a little about you (and having felt the same way) I'm not surprised drugs haven't worked for you. They are CHEMICAL IMBALANCES - you, my dear are not suffering chemical imbalance! You are suffering from situations! Pills can't fix those! Too many drug company reps have convinced people that a little pill will make it go away. It won't.



I too, have little faith in the medical/mental health community. People with issues like ours have a hard time finding qualified help that hasn't drunk the kool-aid. (KWIM!?) Many of these folks expect their textbook answers to magically make you all better and then turn to the good ol' prescription pad if it doesn't.



You've been treated like crap for a long time and it is hard to feel good about anything when most thing make you think of all the bad stuff in your life. It is hard to be social and "lean on people" when you have a hard time trusting anyone. Self-esteem suffers and you begin to wonder why you even bother. The way you've been made to feel, eventually everything you've ever done seems like a mistake and you are afraid to do anything because you are terrified to make another mistake and make things worse. (Sound familiar?)



The thing is, life kinda sucks - especially when other people have had a hand in how you feel about yourself. QQ, I have seen your Q&A's for a while and darling, you are a wonderful, smart, compassionate, caring, courageous, POWERFUL, amazing human being, who I am proud to know - even if it is just on Y/A. You have had a hard time for a long time but I think that your power is just struggling to get out. You have such a unique and important voice. Your opinions MATTER! You have helped educate and change people's perspectives. You should be proud of yourself - I am proud of you! You have the cajones to tell it like it is! We need you! The world needs you!



Please know that you are never alone and you are not alone in how you feel. You do have people who care deeply about you and who want very much for you to find the happiness and PEACE you DESERVE!!



If I can do ANYTHING to help you, please e-mail. I am here for you. (And so is "Sunny's Bastard Back-Up Squad" Any one of us (you know who we are!) are glad to be your friend and we are here whenever you need us.



(((((QUESTION QUEEN!!!)))))



Your FRIEND,

MamaKate



PS: Just ask LT about it! She will have a story for you!! :)

Answer 2

I felt very bad for 5 months. I lay on the floor unable to catch my breath.. I was only able to get to the bathroom and get washed.. and still I never wanted to give up.. it was a terrible 5 months and once i did take a big knife and put it next to me and thought .. if this goes on like now I might as well cut my wrists.. but I didn't really want to die.. and then I saw a different doctor he tried out different medication on me and I was able to work again and do things again...There are people who care about you... even we here care all about you and we only know you from Yahoo answers.. You can do a lot.. a positive attitude will help you a lot.. try and find some distraction.. Try to do a hobby for as long as you are able to concentrate.. then you will not thing about your dark thoughts all the time and get to invite a good friend.. who will sit and talk with you.. sometimes you don't need to talk a lot at all but to know that someone is there .. someone who is a good friend will never stand in judgment and will only try to encourage you... and you have to fight for your life.. there is still a lot you can do even if your life is somewhat limited.. When you are dead it's over.. now you still have plenty you can do.. and doctors really are no miracle workers but the modern technology and pharmacy make new discoveries on a yearly basis.. so don't give up hope.. they can likely find something that will make you feel a lot better.. just hang on in there and in the meantime... do something .. and don't stay alone.. talk to friends... xxx

Answer 3

I am going to EM you and I want you to read it and listen to everything I say. You need help and now. I have noticed you going downhill for the past few weeks. These idiots on here don't understand your depression and your other problems. You are reaching our for help and you need it. Please read my EM and do what I am asking. No one deserves to feel the way you do and YOU DO KNOW that there are solutions to your problem. I will not discuss them here because this is not the proper place. Please, please, do not think about suicide because you and I both know that is a cop out. You are intelligent and have a decent life. You just need some temporary help because you are on a downhill slope because of your problems with not being able to find a job and other things. Wait for my EM. You are a good and decent person. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace & Love :)

Answer 4

(((((Q~Q)))))



Please know that you have people here for you even though I only know you from your questions & answers here, I feel that you are a kind person that got a real crappy deal. Your life is not a waste and you would be missed.



Everyone has a purpose in life. We may not know what it is and we most likely don't understand it, but we all have a purpose. Maybe your purpose is to help improve the Current foster Care system. If your story helps even one person it will be an improvement in a system that is so messed up.



Please email me if you need someone to talk to.

Answer 5

You're depressed and I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds very similar to my experience with depression. Zanax and drugs like that only made it worse for me. I was asked by my Aunt one day to go to church with her. It was the best decision of my life. Find a church that is right for you... where people are kind and accepting. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, so don't worry. Think of only positive things and if you catch yourself being too negative remember to do just that. Take care! and Best of luck to you

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. You are suppose to be alive. God wants you here for a reason. We all go through very hard times and you are going through yours now. You need to reach out to your friends and your family. They do love you and truly care about you. They want you here to enrich their lives. They want to see you succeed. They want you to be happy. You need to reach out to them and ask for their help. Seek some counseling at a community center since they often have free counselors available for appointments. You are a good person I doubt many people hate you. Take a deep breath and realize no one is perfect, we all have our issues. You are young and you have so much life to live. Your life isn't a waste. You are just in the beginning of it. Reach out to your family, to your friends, and look in your community for community centers and health centers that have people to help you. Life is a beautiful thing and you only get one chance at it. Get the help that you need and I know things will turn around for you. = )

Answer 7

I've been there. I've been hospitalized twice. My meds seem to be helping right now. The biggest thing that keeps me going is that I know God has a plan for my life. He loves you. Go to www.chick.com and read some of the comic book tracts. Don't give up hope.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry that u feel the way u do. Even though i don't know u i do care & i hate to see someone suffering like this. You are not alone. I know how u feel believe me as i have gone through alot of depression this year but yet somehow i have survived & persevered. you have to believe in yourself. have faith in yourself. Realize thta u are not alone & they are people who care. If you need someone to talk to you are more than welcome to email. I wish u nothign but the best & hope you feel better.

Answer 9

Hey, I am 31 and I feel the same. Your life may not feel like it has any meaning, but that doesn't mean you can't find selfish, glutonish pleasure in things. Sex, drugs, food, porn, TV, or whatever. Just bide your time time until life is over.

Answer 10

Honey, you MUST not give up! If you need someone to talk to, just look me up.



I have been battling depression for 17 years, along with anxiety and some OCD ( checking and re-checking sometimes)

I grew up having a hard time in school with other students because they think of me as ugly. It was not until just as I was turning 32 that I for the first time in my life REALLY did I start to like what I see in the mirror. I am 60 pounds over, but I like what I see, and will even more once I lose the weight.

I have been in a couple of domestic violent relationships before and been raped by two guys I knew.

Thing kept looking more and more bleak to me, but recently God showed me the blue print to happiness. First, I needed to be better about accepting His advice for me and stop trying to make things happen I should not. That I needed to trust in Him more and put faith in Him, and change some of my ways. He even answered my prayers on helping me find the right kind of friends, and on y/a! I met a few friends on here that influence my faith instead of trying to get in the way of it. I recently realized had I committed suicide when I was a teen, the few times I tried, I would have cheated myself out of even the micro-tiniest pleasures of life. Yes, there are people who would like to see me dead, but I am not going to give anyone that pleasure. Especially since God put people in my life who needs me to live. God also gave me my life and it is not up to me to take it. Not if I want to someday be found with favor by God.

I know it's tough honey, I know what the most intense depression feels like, but once you die, that is it. You can never come back.

Keep praying to God to give you strength. And keep finding the right professional help. But also ask God if there is something He wants different from you spiritually. It may sometimes be difficult to hear what He says, I have to admit sometimes I find it difficult, but then we got to remember, He has all the answers. We don't.

As for when I starting changing my ways spiritually, I been even more blessed by God. I still am not perfect, and got a lot more work to do, but I know if I help myself, God will help with the rest.

Don't give up; it someday will get better. As hard as those 17 years were, it was definitely worth the wait for things to look up. My life is still not perfect, but it is better than it used to in some ways. Like, I am on the road to finally beating depression, anxiety, and OCD. I'm pretty close to winning the battle. I just need one more life change, and I'll even be closer to winning!



If you decide to write me, but don't believe in God, that is ok. I'll help you, and we won't get into religion.

Answer 11

i realize how that is my son . call around see if there might be some support groups that you can join to help you along . people dont understand unless they ve been there or knows of a friend thats that way . dont worry about people just be your self .

Answer 12

My Dear Question Queen,



Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.



Please please please love yourself enough to go to an inpatient treatment center. You need to get away from your so called "family". Do you have an income? Is there anyway you can get a place of your own? You need to get away from them. You will not get better with them. Life is a gift, don't let them take that away from you too.



You have a friend. I am here. You can email me. Take care of you!





((((((((((((((((((((((((QQ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Answer 13

I M me lets talk

Answer 14

well stop being so negative and always think positive.If you think your life is hell well think again did you ever stop and thought to yourself that you want to change for you? If no one wants to help you why don't you help yourself? Nothing is ever handed to you unless you want it too do it yourself and change i hope this helps

Answer 15

do you have messenger? am 23 and am female... we could talk if you want.. let me know. trust me ive been the... people don't deserve your LIFE. give me your email and lets talk about it ... PLEASE!!