Such a heavy feeling...(a summary of everything)?

Question

Everyday and every moment of that day, I feel mentally burdened.
I don't really have any problems in life, but my mind feels pressured and weighed down...Like a dark cloud sort of thing. I'm always tired, always, no matter how much I sleep. I have to have a strong will in the morning to get up. It's a reflex to act normal in front of friends, but if I don't occupy my mind with something, I get the heavy feeling again and just don't want to move or talk. I just want to go home and rest, or go on the computer.

I can't think clearly most of the time, I shake and sometimes my heart beats fast for no reason.

I'm constantly worried about school, even during summer vacation and even if I did great. Just hearing about school makes me want to tear my ears off.

I'm on the computer most of the time and don't really see a way to have fun in my free time without it (excluding the occasional drawing, writing, or listening to music.)

I really want to fall asleep, everyday, but I wind up purposely staying up late, because I feel that school will be further away if I do so.

I feel as though everyday is a dream, literally, I don't feel as though I experience things, it just happens. Like there's a barrier between reality and me. Like I don't exist in a way. It's as though everything is miles away from me, on a different plant. Everyday, for who knows how long. (I was researching and discovered it might be depersonalization disorder, but I want to get some other opinions.)

I have really bad memory also. I'm in the beginning of the 2nd semester in 8th grade, but I can barely remember 7th, 6th, or anything below that. Sometimes I can't recall things that happened to me the day before, or even a few minutes, seconds, or hours ago.

This is a summary of all my worries. I don't remember what it's like not feeling this way, and I accepted it along the way, but I'm tired. Just so freaking tired.

What do you think about it? Should I talk to someone? I tried telling my mom, but she isn't much help. She doesn't seem to believe me in a way. But this feeling is really wearing me down, and I don't know what anything is anymore...it's just...UGH! I just want to scream.

Answer 1

It sounds like you're afraid of school. You're not alone. Many people don't like school, I didn't.

You don't have to like it.

Just look at it as a place you have to go to during the day.

A place that helps make you smarter.

A place where your friends are too.

School is never trying to hurt you. Its trying to help you.

Some things may be hurtful about it, like some angry teachers, or homework, or projects (because you don't feel like doing them).

But everyone in your class is apart of it too. And they may feel the same, and may not admit it.

Take your life day by day and just do your best. Breathe and relax.

Most importantly, you're never alone.

Answer 2

This sounds very familiar to me when I was at that age.



I have ADHD-I (ADD) an was constantly bullied for being different than the mainstream. My school work was poor, not because I wasn't smart but because I could not just sit there and do this boring ****. Because of that I was always in fear of being grounded or punished because of not performing to my potential.



If I am not thinking of something I get the urge to just sleep... there just doesn't seem to be a point of being conscious if I am not thinking of something. Other times I am thinking of so many racing, tangential thoughts that I feel like I am going crazy. At that age I had alot of anxiety attacks, especially at night, while trying to sleep.



Parents will not understand. Ever.



I'll tell you my personal story about remembering how I once again found that good feeling.



Around 10th-11th grade I stopped taking my ADD meds, mainly out of teenage rebellion. From there on, I gained weight and slowly started sliding into a sort of non-caring.



When I got to college, I did fine (on par with high school) the first semester. However, I got into the bad habit of going to sleep when I was bored--in order to just dream. The next semester I went into a depressive episode for a couple of weeks. Thankfully my friends were able to snap me out of it.



The next year went ok.



This year (Junior), I decided to go to my psychiatrist to see about going back on ADD meds. He agreed and wrote a script.



It was an epiphany. For the first time I could ever remember, I could think logically. The background noise of everything no longer mattered. The only thing I can compare it to is putting on a pair of actively noise canceling headphones and turning the noise canceler on.



This was previously a feeling I could only get when I was "hyperfocusing" on something. I am happy. Not high, but happy.



You may be concerned about meds, especially if ADD is your diagnosis. Don't be. They don't "change" you. They help you fit into a world where everything is supposed to be equally important and interesting even when its not. I can go off of them and be more distracted but still be me.



Try your best to see a psychiatrist. You may have ADHD-I or a similar condition. Your mom should at least be able to entertain your single visit. If she doesn't want to show her this reply.

Answer 3

I can relate to alot of the things your saying here.

I went through his for years and years before my mom decided to take me to see someone.

I never believed in anti depressants or any type of medication cause i just didn't see how it could work. But i tried it and its amazing what a difference it really makes!

I would highly recommend going to someone who specializes in depression and bi polar, they really can help.



And they can at least explain to your why you are feeling the way you are feeling and how it all works.

There are so many different cases of depression, everyone suffers a little different to the next person. So its best to speak to a professional.



I understand what you mean with your mom, mine went years before they actually recognised it.

If you need someone to talk to, dont hesitate to contact me.



Hope this helped