Question:
How can I defeat loneliness?
anonymous
2008-12-18 17:05:51 UTC
I am a 19 year old girl. I've never had a boyfriend. I've been sheltered my whole life. I've always been the girl who gets good grades and I never saw myself as pretty. I need advise that will help guide me to become a person who is not so depressed and lonely. As I am typing this question, I am crying and I am drinking wine to cope with the sadness I possess. I don't know what to do. I live with my mom, who I hate. Everyone in my family is worthless. People who I thought are my friends truly don't give a DAMN about me and I am running out of alternatives to deal. Please offer you best help!
-Rayna
Fourteen answers:
anonymous
2008-12-18 17:37:33 UTC
Everyone has problems and everyone is insecure if it makes you feel better. I read that in a book I'm not just making that up. Sometimes I feel lonely too. I don't have tons of friends. But in order to overcome loneliness you have to know the secret. Always be confident in yourself. Be thankful, very thankful for what you have. In other words show gratitude to the things you have, your living, the fresh air you breathe. Anything at all. Always have a smile on yourself and if someone doesn't like something about you, anything at all, just know you're better than them and they I've np chance against you because they wouldn't be bothering you if they knew they had something better. They're just jealous. Someday you will find that special someone wether you think you're pretty or not. There's someone for everybody. So stop hiding under that shell and get your exciting self out. Go out and have some fun. Of you wanna laugh watch funny YouTube videos, just type funny. And keep your chin up :D
Rane T
2008-12-19 01:27:53 UTC
Well, not to be insulting, but stop wallowing in self- pity, as some refer to it as. You are lucky to be on this Earth! Every day is a gift, and you look the gift horse in the mouth every, single, day. You could never have been born, and then maybe you would appreciate your life, hmm?

In any case, if you want to appreciate what you're given, you must use it. Get a boyfriend, some friends, a job, and another place to live. It's not that hard, really. No person on this Earth truly appreciates each other as it seems to come off as, and you can't expect the best friends ever to apear in front of you one day. Be sociable, be intelligible, be happy, and be thankful! You've been sheltered you say? Well, when you're 18, you have the legal right to do whatever your heart and mind find that beckons them. Make your own way. Most sensible people don't find themselves pretty, because this a trait of common sense that is known as modesty. People who do think they're pretty are full of themselves and don't appreciate much other than themselves, truth be told. Then again, there is a very true quote that says: "You're only as good as you know." However, if you know what's right and choose not to follow such a path, this is known as ignorance, idiocracy, and general laziness. Just be appreciative for what you have, because like the tide, it could be swept away in an instant.



"And that's all I know about that." - Forrest Gump
The truth
2008-12-19 01:24:37 UTC
I understand how u feel and want u 2 know that i am here for u. I have been where u r and I somehow made it through. I was so depressed at times that I turned to the wrong things to make me feel better or just cope. The first thing that u will need to do is love yourself. Stop putting yourself down and worrying about what other people feel about u. People look at a person and see how they treat them self and turn around and add more to it. if you learn to love u for u then others will notice and behave differently. If they don't treat u with respect then they are not worth your time. I t starts with you first and then it progresses. Have faith and maybe try going a support group or get individual counseling. Counseling helps to work out your emotions and you finally have someone else that cares about your safety. Don't give up and if u need to talk again leave me a message or give me your email. I have tears inside for u. Be strong you can do it. And try to find another place to stay or get your own place.
naps420
2008-12-19 01:35:44 UTC
If they don't give a damn about you then you shouldn't give a damn about them. Go and put yourself out there, and make some new friends..let yourself have fun for a change. When you have an urge to do something, DO IT. Stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen. I think if you do this, you'll find that you're capable of more things than you thought, including having enough confidence in yourself to improve other relationships in your life.
Jay
2008-12-19 01:28:25 UTC
Why do you think that you need a relationship to feel happy?



That's not healthy, you know even though I'm a bit younger than you, I used to do that, you know I used to think that getting into a relationship would make me more happier, but that's the truth of it all: if you weren't happy by yourself, then how would you be happy with someone?





You need to really re-evaluate and find ways to be happy with yourself, and by yourself, because really, if you think right now is the best time for you to get a boyfriend, then you need to seriously get a grip.

There'll be so many issues like insecurity, and trust issues. Believe me you'll be in a world of hurt because you might even expect your boyfriend to fufill emotional needs, and he may not be ready to do that for you.



You've got to realize that you don't need a man to be happy....
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:15:25 UTC
I kinda have the same thing.

Except I'm only 14 and not that good of grades.

I just find something I like to do and then I start to hang out with people who have the same kind of intrest but yeah if they arnt truly your friends I would find something else I like to do and find other people. I dont know how much this helps I kind just pointed out the obvious but If your not really shy like me you can probably find someone(:
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:56:38 UTC
I am so sorry for what you're going through! I know that for me finding a good church helped me so much. I created real relationships with people through weekly small groups that the church had and I've never felt judged by anyone there. If you want to find one near you check out http://www.vineyardusa.org



If you're not interested in that then I just have to say that you NEED to talk and interact with other people! Isolating yourself is the worse thing you can do! Talk to a counselor or find a support group. I know it'll be hard to talk to people about what you're going through but it's the only way and you need to do what's best for you.



Stop drinking. You need to feel your feelings in order to deal with them. You need to discover the truth about yourself. The truth is that you are worthy. Worthy of everything good life has to offer. Worthy of love from others and especially from yourself!



All of this will require you to get out of your comfort zone. You need to do something different in order to get a different result. So, if going to church, connecting with others or not drinking seems hard for you then that means it's exactly what you should do. Life can really be crappy but don't let it beat you!



I've done alot of working on myself this past year. Learning to love myself and stuff cuz my parents did quite the number on me! Please, please visit my blog. I really think it can help you, especially the "Mental/Emotional Health" section. At least read this post http://www.todaysholisticliving.com/2008/11/how-to-love-yourself/



I commend you for getting online and asking for help. That takes so much strength and courage. People fail us all the time but you don't need to fail yourself. Keep working on doing what's best for you. You are important and worthy!
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:31:30 UTC
First off, dont drink wine or beer or any of that, its garbage, smoke WEED! That's the good stuff, that'll make you happy and turn your life around...



Stop being such a book worm and go out and meet some people, I mean if you are not ugly (don't have to be superstar beautiful either) you will meet some dudes at least..



but if you are fat and ugly and stuff, just off yourself, cuz nobody likes ugly people
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:25:15 UTC
LONELINESS: Join mutual interest groups, clubs, associations, sports, gym, & take up classes in yoga, t'ai chi, Pilates, art, self defence, aerobics, creative writing, or ceramics, etc. Consider volunteering, even from home, at first, as a means of changing your focus from your feelings of loneliness, and will help stop useless introspection. Sections 38, & 47 at www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris refer, and view section 9, about making friends, being popular, and what to talk about, or avoid, in the Wikihow articles. Approach people with sensible questions, and find out what they're like, and, for example: "What sort of things are you interested in, Obediah? I like archery, and train spotting, but have recently learned not to combine the two." Next: "I'm from Argedargedah, in Australia, Obediah, Where are you from, originally?" (BTW, It's on the map!) On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated, and it will give added purpose to your life, as well as helping others.



It can also be an indication of the presence of depression, or dysthymia, and there is a quiz for this via section 2, on page J, at ezy build; if positive, see page R first, and consult a doctor, to eliminate medical causes. Go to: www.webofloneliness.com/ & http://hubpages.com/hub/Overcoming-Loneliness & http://dailystrength.org/ & www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node/4 & www.contactwecare.org/GetHelp.htm & www.meditainment.com/ has one titled "overcoming loneliness" : scroll down the homepage (Costs US $49, but you get all of the many subjects included). http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/ is reputable, and has a quite reasonably priced one on loneliness, if you are fairly suggestible (around 40% of people are). See page 47: about volunteer work; you can end your loneliness, meet many good people, develop social skills and contacts, get references, increase your self esteem, and help others, all at the same time. Social workers (contact through your doctor, local hospital, or social services dept.) have many contacts and suggestions. Feelings of loneliness occur often with depression. There is a quiz for depression via page J, in section 2, (see page R, if confirmed, and eventually the rest of the section) at ezy build, or page E, in section 1.



CHECK OUT: http://wikihow.com/ (select: "Relationships" at the bottom of the webpage, in the CATEGORIES box) & www.true.com/magazine/dating_main.htm & www.succeedsocially.com/meetpeople & (for females: I typed: "dating advice; women" - getting at least 10 pages of results: some follow) www.youcangettheguy.com/ & www.savvymiss.com/ & www.getromantic.com/ & http://love.ivillage.com/ (well worth checking out!) & www.datingadvicefromagirl.com/ & www.online-dating.info/ & www.soulstudioonline.com/2008/11/understanding-higher-ways-to-love.html & www.2knowmyself.com/How_to_make_someone_fall_in_love_with_you & http://meetpeopleonline.name/ & www.adamanddrew.com/

In Australia, there is http://au.personals.yahoo.com/ I am sure that there are equivalent websites in Yahoo for many other countries: try: "Your Yahoo". For males, (and, increasingly, these days, for females) there is an old saying: "Faint heart ne'er won fair lady." If you have any questions; one place you can get a variety of answers is in the "singles & dating" section at Yahoo!:Answers. If you're a teenager, see page 13, at this website. On sexual matters, try: www.askemilyanything.com/ , or the women's, men's, or medical sections at Yahoo!: Answers.
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:32:19 UTC
I'm in the same position as you more or less. I just embrace my alienation and use it to make art. I am an outcast and will always be alone but I have gone beyond...
シドニー
2008-12-19 01:14:31 UTC
it sounds like you have depression. don't be afraid to seek help. after suicide attempts, i was hospitalized and sent to a psychiatrist against my will. it took me 2 years to actually tell him anything, but i was put on anit-depressants and i'm still going through therapy. just hang in there. people know what you are going through and you are not alone.
Naguru
2008-12-19 01:21:14 UTC
Do not pretend. When you are in yahoo answers, you are in the midst of plenty of people.
anonymous
2008-12-19 01:14:19 UTC
Dress like a Chola http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR0PykHTYY



THEN



Ask like 9 boys out and one will say yes unless your ******* ugly
America's next top mommy
2008-12-19 01:15:49 UTC
try giving yourself a little makeover...get a new hairstyle...some makeup...it always boosts my confidence when i get a new look....besides, confidence is what makes a girl sexy...


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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