My mommy died and i need help!?!!?

Question

So I hope this is my last question. I'm 14 and on friday my mommy died of stomach cancer. I feel so alone and lost. Its been so hard. My grandma wants me to live with her and my little sister and big sister (she's in college and only here for christmas) but I wanna live with my daddy (that's where I'm at now). I'm really close with my grandparents but me and my grandma argue a lot and I think its gonna be worse now that my moms gone. I'm not as close with my daddy but I love him a lot and I wanna get closer. And I wanna be able to open up to his fiance cause I know I'm gonna need her more than ever now. Everytime she tries to talk to me about what's going on I just sit there in silence with tears going down my face not even looking up. She told me to talk to her when I'm ready. I wanna open up to her but its just too hard. How do I talk to her about what happened?? How do I tell her how I feel?? How do I get over this?? Will I ever get over this?? I really need help!
RIP mommy :'(

Answer 1

i am so sorry about your mom dying. i give you and your family my condolences. you will get over it in time. there steps to grief that you must go through first though. it is just the way that it is. everybody goes through the stages of grief at different speeds. if you feel that it is taking you to long the you might want to see if you can talk to a therapist about it. but it sounds like to me that you have someone who is more than willing to talk to you. you never know she might be able to help you.

since she is your dads fiancee and you want to get closer to her and know her better then would be the perfect time. next time she asks you if you want to talk say yes but that you don't know how to

start. maybe she can ask you some questions to help you get started. at 14 you have the legal right to choose who you want to live with. as long as your dad doesn't mind you living with him you have the right to. your mom can still see you and hear you so you can always talk to her if you need to and always remember she loves you very much.

Answer 2

I'm so so sorry you have to face this situation at 14, You are at a very vunerable age. Your Daddys fiance sounds a lovely person . I do hope eventually you can be best friends with her and be able to talk about what you want with her. your Mommy would want you to do well and be happy so when you go through life just ask yourself Is Mommy caring for me and would she be pleased with me. Your Grandparents would also be facing terrible trauma over the death of their loved one so try and be gentle with them. You don't really know how they feel and to offer to take you in would be a big burden on them but a burden they are prepared to take on out of the love for their daughter and you. Do your best to make things as easy as possible for everyone . I can't take away your pain which is a natural part of greiving but in time this pain will lessen and you have a good understanding future in front of you. You will always have lovely sometimes sad memories of your Mommy but as the pain lessens you will be left with happier memories. Mommy is no longer suffering physically . Do your best and life will give you many joyous times

Answer 3

Nicole, I truly feel your pain as I sit here in tears. This brings back a lot of memories. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and your feeling that you're going through this alone. Not a comfortable place to be. Losing a parent no matter what the situation is a great loss, which can leave a void in our lives for a long time.



I grew up living in orphanages with my twin sister . We had a mom and dad that didn't want us. I lost my identical twin sister when we were 11 years old. I suffered horrible unspeakable abuse from my parents and grew up in deep pain, until I went to counseling. It took 8 long years to get through all the issues that had been inflicted upon me as a child and young adult. We all learn to cope and somehow survive terrible tragedies in our lifetimes. Everyone has issues, but it's how you deal with them that makes all the difference in your life. No one ever said life is easy, but surviving these tragedies will only make you a stronger adult. Focus on the wonderful memories you had with your mother, the good times. Don't focus on her passing, this will ease the pain. You will always remember this time no matter what you do. The pain you are feeling now will become less and less as time goes on until it is gone. This is how our brains cope.



Think of the loss like this....you now feel empty that your mom is gone leaving this void in your life. I actually saw a hole in my heart. I filled this hole with love, visualizing it this way. I would grab the word love bold and in all caps, hearts, and anything else that signifies love in your mind and put all of it into your heart filling it up like you would a basket (mental imagery). You have the memories which no one can ever take from you, and that's what you hold on to. In my case I had to let go, as I realized you can't change yesterday, but we hold the power to change tomorrow.



You are now old enough to say who you want to live with, and your father is where you should stay. Your grandma and grandpa will understand and obviously love you. Keep the lines of communication open, and when you're comfortable use that time to talk to your dad and his fiance about what you feel. They are adults and will understand your feelings/needs and support you through this. Just let her know that you're not ready to talk right now, and you will let her know when you are. Maybe for now you can confide in a trusted friend or teacher.



Trust me that there is a Grand Creator (God) who is watching over you and will bless you with the strength to pull through your loss.



Take care my friend.

Answer 4

As to where you will live and who will raise you, that is up to you and your family. Your reasons for wanting to live with your Dad seem valid.



There are experiences that we have that don't make any sense, they aren't fair. This is one of them. Right now you may just need to be held and consoled. Words are important, but words aren't always what we need in these times. It is very difficult for families to blend, step parents to get along with step children in the best of times, this is an extra stressful time, and your future step mom seems to be caring, she just doesn't know how to help you. This is where you come in. No one knows exactly what you need. If you need some support, ask for what you need. If you feel comfortable with your future step mom, tell her that you miss your mom, feel lost and don't know what to do to feel better. Adults don't always know what to do or say in these situations, so don't expect anyone to say something that will give immediate help.



Perhaps your grandparents or your Dad could offer their support to you. Reach out to them. Sometimes people need counseling after a loss so painful as this. It really helps. You will get through this, but not as quickly as you would like.

Answer 5

I am so very sorry that you lost your mom. As far as getting over this event people say that you will but that is not true. My mom has been dead for three years now and when I think of her I still feel a sadness deep in my heart for her. I no longer cry as I use to but the hurt is still there.



If you feel comfortable with your dad's fiance then try to confide in her. It does not seem that you have a trusting sort of relationship with your grandmother as you did with your mom. Try to learn to confide in your dad's fiance and by releasing some of the pent up feelings that you now have you will be able to unload enough to be able to cope better with your mom's death.



I do hope that you are able to rid yourself of some of the feelings that you have not been able just recently.



My prayers go out to you.

Answer 6

so sorry approximately your mum and your chum too stay sturdy and the tough time would be over earlier you recognize it and you're able to be able to desire to talk approximately this your dad, siblings or anybody out of your loved ones your acquaintances even instructors anybody get it off your chest and cry as much as yo like. i understand this sounds undesirable yet crying makes you sense a splash greater advantageous additionally, if it somewhat is somewhat somewhat affecting then you get some scientific care . and dont supply up on each and every little thing like college and stuff (im guessing you're nonetheless in school lol ) shop working puzzling . yu dont choose for something like this to influence your destiny so shop on working! and that i understand you sense like undesirable precise now yet there are continuously others in worse places than you so be greatful for what you have you could consult from me each time yo like btw and stay sturdy! :)

Answer 7

Feel you pain i lost my dad 8 years and ago that pain doesn't go away but it gets better with time. write your step mom a letter and tell her how you feel.Let it all out and then sit down with you grandma and talk to her. She will understand and love you no matter where you go.(smile)

Answer 8

There are no words to help you feel better from the death of your mom. I know I lost my son and it is something that will affect you daily. Keep talkig about her death and your favorite memories, don't be afraid to tell family and friends you miss her. They dont need to say anything they just need to listen. You can tell them that too.

As far as where you should live, you need to be open and honest with both grandparents and dad and tell them what you feel about living with them. Allow them to help you and support your decisions. Remember they are your family, and you can make arrangements to see which ever one you dont live with.

Answer 9

YES,you will get over it.you said you are 14,not 20 like another one said.

It seems you should stay with your dad,it should work out,

when you feel the time is right,talk to her,do not rush.

Just tell her exactly how you are feeling,it will help you.

It takes a long time to get over loss.accept my sympathy

Bless You

Answer 10

If you are going through hard times then the best thing to do is surrender unto God and ask him for help because he is the only one who can really help you in truth, because God controls all things.



I suggest you do the easiest spiritual practice for this age, the chanting of Gods Holy names. Chant Gods Names when you are in times of difficulty and just let your mind rest in his beautiful names and take shelter of them. The more you chant the more you will be reconnected with God.



You can chant Gods name from your religion or alternatively you can chant Hare Krishna.. Krishna is a name for God and it is reccomended to be chanted in this age.



Chant..



Hare Krishna

Hare Krishna

Krishna Krishna

Hare Hare

Hare Rama

Hare Rama

Rama Rama

Hare Hare



Chant as much as you can and pray and take shelter in Gods Holy names.

Answer 11

um well live with the person you want to live with, sorry your mom died,

i am scared of my mom dying shes 70 march 2011 and i need her alot now feeling uneasy,

i do got my own place but 3 days i am with my mom, but i am scared with out her.



are you scared with out your mom? and need some one to talk to? please add me here and we can talk here or yahoo ims .....thanks