Does this sound wierd?

Question

I have been suffering with depression for a while now and am on anti-depressants that have been helping.

My problem is, for years i have been interested in reading about serial killers and finding out why they do the things they do. I am reading a book at the moment all about the American serial killer Richard Ramirez, and i have realised that i am getting too into this book, as i have found myself wishing i was one of his victims.

I now cant get the thought out my head and its scaring me. I am on a waiting list to see a counsellor but i have been told it wont be for at least another 4 months. I dont think i can go on like this and i cannot afford to see someone privately. HELP!

Answer 1

Depression makes your mind back flip on its self! Try and avoid reading this sort of thing or watching tv programmes that may fuel your thoughts! Don't worry it's all part of depression, I can assure you I have had troubled thoughts with depression and the thing that you have to get your head around is, If the thought is bad enough to upset you and cause anxiety it's doing the trick! It's only when you have obssesed over and over about t a thought that bothers you that eventually your brain gets bored of it! I had awful unwanted thoughts due to depression for years, please believe me that you wil get better. Try reading something totally different , try remembering that the thought is scaring you because of the depression, your brain is like a muscle and sometimes when you are depressed you can't just bounce these unwanted thoughts away, like you would when you are well! Remember depression is an illness, and don't be ashamed, I used to have a best mate that was depressed too, and we used to tell each other our thoughts, and sometimes due to having kids our thoughts were very simular and other times she had been watching soem awful horror film and that would trigger thoughts off! I would have thoughts triggered off be watching a tv programme, so be careful what u read or watch when not well.

Good luck I wish you well, You are not alone in thinking like this, just remember if the thought causes anxiety its working!

Answer 2

I suffer from depression badly too ( having a really bad episode at moment) have been on various tablets and hospitalised for my own good a few times too. Am no expert but I do think you should refrain from reading this book, certainly at the moment. To be wishing to be a victim, is it because the thought that someone taking your life in such a cruel manner mean that you would not have to deal with suicidal thoughts yourself, having the decision taken from you make it easier? If so 4 months is 3months and 30 days to far away!

Is there any reading material on the families of the victims? Reading something along those lines would make you see what it did to the families he took a loved one from. This book you are reading glorifies his crimes thats all, it doesnt say how his victims felt how scared they were how they probably begged for their lives.

Pleae chase up your appointment pester your doctor and change your reading material at least for the time being (it is extremely unhealthy for you at the moment)

You are on the right path seeking help. I wish you all the best and fingers crossed for you your get a quicker appointment. Take care

Answer 3

Do yourself a favor, stop reading this book, get rid of it, burn it. When you burn it, it may very well destroy part of the thoughts you've been having.



If they continue, you might consider calling a suicide hotline. You don't mention you're suicidal but to wish to be a victim of a violent crime is about the same thing.



If you still have these thoughts and they seem to be overpowering you need to seek help. You may consider going to an emergency medical room for treatment or calling 999.



Get yourself an interesting book that doesn't have such a bad ending. There's a book called "Bouncing Back" by Joan Rivers. The title reads on "I've survived everything and I mean everything...and you can too!"



Her husband killed himself. She had a multimillion dollar business that was taken over by someone else, basically gutted and she was left with millions in debt.



It's not a very long book and shows how she went from the bottom back to the top. If you have trouble finding it, the international book number is INBN 0-06-017821-3.



What you're feeling isn't normal but that not important. The important thing is that you've recognized that fact. Go out and get that book and I hope that it helps you.

Answer 4

I don't really have any advice for you, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I'm fascinated by Richard myself, and I have had similar fantasies to the ones your having. So much so that I started writing to him a while ago.

I do agree with the others here, if it is upsetting you this much then quit reading about him, don't watch any movies about him, nor any tv specials about him. Try to put him out of your mind. And talk to the doctor that prescribed your anti-depressants, maybe they need to change your dose or change meds all together. Good luck!

Answer 5

Yes you are getting way too into this book. Alota people are simply interested in books like this & it's fine to be intreeged by them. BUT if they are making you have negative thoughts about life & are effecting your depression than STOP READING THEM! You should see your doctor, he/she can talk to you about your problems until you can see a counceller, & ask if there are other councellers, free of charge that you won't have to be on a waiting list for. Maybe try getting out more & take up other hobbies besides reading! Best of luck :-)

Answer 6

There are lots of places you can go for help.



Try a nearby church and see if they have a pastor you can talk to. If you feel like hurting yourself go to any hospital and tell them.



It can be scary sometimes to open up and tell someone your true feelings for fear of being judged. It is better to swallow your fear and seek help though than potentially putting yourself or others (your family etc) in danger.



I would strongly recommend you STOP reading any material of a horrific nature, and immediately stop fantasising or glorifying in your own mind the true horrors that really are death and murder and the loss of precious life.



You say you wish you were one of the serial killers victims. Perhaps you feel hopelessness and despair in your own life due to your depression - but death is not the answer - not by your own hand or anyone else's.



Know that you have a Father in heaven who loves you and cares for you and doesn't want to see any harm come to you. Seek the Lord - try and replace the scary books you are reading with the bible and pray for healing and peace - I will be praying for you!

Answer 7

Why does the counsellor have a 4 month waiting period? Go see somebody else. There's another professional you can talk to without having to wait that long. Just check around for places that accept your insurance. It shouldn't be too hard. But you should definitely get some help. Good luck.

Answer 8

Irrational thoughts are scary - you may actually need to increase your dosage of anti-depressants, or even to change the type, but you need to go back to the prescribing doctor to get this done; and be sure you tell the doctor about these thoughts; my daughter was hospitalised last year for a few weeks when she began having homicidal thoughts......and she was already suicidal!



What happened her was that her medication was unsuitable for her....she had also expected it to act like a "happy pill", and to have instant results. They take about 12-14 weeks to get up to speed in your body. She's fine now, stable, but it DID take several months.



Please go to your doctor. Today.

Answer 9

...you're into it? people are into different things and enjoy different things...yours just happens to be serial killer books..



wishing you were one of the victims?

let me ask you this....do you wish you were dead? if you had the chance would you kill yourself? if so, this could be a sign of scuicide.....but i could be wrong.....



i have the same problem sometimes.....when i watch a scarey movie i just have these horrible images....but i take it off my mind....



if you want the images to go away quit reading and watching these horror stories.....think of good things....or try not to think about anything....just keep yourself buisy....



if you need more help i'm here a lot of the time to help problems like these....message me or whatever you feel like doing...nothing will go out of our conversation about your situation..i promise hon.!

=]

Chelsea

Answer 10

i was on antidepressants a few years ago they really were not good...it sounds to me that your focusing yourself to much on one thing i.e the book and it would probably be good for you to stop reading it and maybe take a holiday (don't take it with you)... i went strange when i was on those ssri things and you aren't supposed to be on them indefinitely, i came of them slowly and started to learn about natural ways of treating depression keeping healthy by eating rite and taking exercise... you should try focusing your efforts on something like this and not reading that book.



my best advise would be to go for a run and run as fast as you can for as long as you can until you have to stop... this will snap you out of your current train of thought and enable you to focus on something different, remember healthy body healthy mind!!!!!!



but also seek talking therapy at the same time...

Answer 11

burn the goddam book. if its making you like this it should be burnt or thrown away.



if you feel like harming your self dont it.think about your famialy and freinds they will think its your fault i still feel that way about my son.he died of an overdose and i could have saved him.



please feel free to email me and we can resolve this matter privatly but please dont do any thing stupid!!



[e-mail]



sam

Answer 12

i definatly recomend u see ur doctor, especially if ur scaring urself, please dont wait for the counsellor see ur doctor and he might be able to get the appointment forwarded, and he might adjust ur meds for u if that needs to be done, i hope u get it sorted soon, all the best.

Answer 13

I think you need to find a counselor that will see you asap.

Answer 14

pick up a bible and read it everyday until u seek help,also i'll pray for you,ok?

love you you are worth so much more ,nevertheless somebody's victim.................god bless,READ IT NOW PLEASE.PSALMS 23 AND KEEP GOING FROM THERE.

Answer 15

see your gp they may hurry things along

Answer 16

Erm - Slap yourself!