hi is it normal to feel a big void in your life when youve managed to stop self harming?

Question

hi is it normal to feel a big void in your life when youve managed to stop self harming?

Answer 1

Hey Leyshon. I think you're really amazing to have the strength to stop self harming, I wish I was more like you. I can understand how you must miss it because I can't go more than a few days without cutting or else I get anxious and restless and even begin to shake. Unfortunately it has become an addiction for me and no matter how hard I fight it, I can't stop doing it to myself. I hope you don't mind me asking, but why did you self harm and how did it make you feel? Don't beat yourself up about missing it, I imagine it became a really important part of your life and the only way you felt able to deal with things. I know that it is easier said than done, and I probably haven't earned the right to say this, but there are other alternatives to help you get over your loss. Have you ever talked to anyone about what happened? If not maybe you should think about finding someone you really trust, like a close friend, family member or teacher. Start from the beginning and tell them everything till there's nothing left in your head. Or if you don't feel like there's anyone in your life then go to a doctor and do the same. They could put you in touch with a counselling service - I know it sounds daunting and possibly a stupid idea but it could just be the answer. And remember that just because you no longer self harm it doesn't mean your problems shouldn't be taken seriously anymore. You probably still have lots of things weighing on your mind and ending the self harming was possibly only the first step towards getting better. I hope this was helpful Leyshon, and that you didn't think any of it was patronising. Maybe I have misunderstood how you feel but I think it's really important for you to realise that there are so many people out there who can help you fill up that void. I hope one day that I will realise this too. Take care and stay safe. I think you're amazing.

Answer 2

it is normal to feel a void anytime you conquer a harmfull habit, be it drugs, or behavior i quit smoking pot and i found i had all this time that i spent high so i started filling the time with usefull things its tough at first but keep trying new things untill soon you are busy and you forget how you were and stay focused on who you are now good luck i hope this helps you

Answer 3

Absolutely - self-harming gives you the false feeling of being real.



It's like a bad drug and you're missing it.

You really have to be strong and build on where you've managed to get to.



I wish you all the luck in doing just that.

Answer 4

i feel the same way your are welcome to email mexx

Answer 5

I self-harmed for three years and when I finally managed to quit, it was physically and emotionally tormenting. My arms and legs where I used to cut had serious pins and needles to a painful point and all I could think about was cutting. It's such a difficult thing to do and yes - there will be a void in your life - especially if you get to the point where you self-harm for no reason other than you're used to doing it. As if it's on your 'to-do' list.



Try to do things to occupy your mind when you're thinking of it - and a tip I've heard is fantastic is to hold ice cubes - as they don't harm you but help you deal with the urge to self-harm.



If you're still struggling or you end up relapsing, ask for psychotherapy - DBT is supposed to be the best - training the brain to not crave the urge to self-harm and to recognise the most vulnerable times for yourself that you would self-harm.



Hope this answer helps and good luck.

Answer 6

Yes.



I haven't done it for a while and sometimes when I'm feeling really down or guilty, the urge is incredible.



I feel like a part of me is missing and sometimes I relapse and cut but I can usually manage a week or so without it before I really feel like I need to again.



Its tough to beat. I know how you feel.

Answer 7

It's normal to feel how you are. You used it before as a coping strategy, now it's not there. Time will heal this. Well done for your achievement.

Answer 8

Congratulations to you for stopping to hurt yourself.

You are missing the old habit. It was helping you avoid some thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. Now you are more exposed to your thoughts and feelings. Talk about your feelings with others. I hope you continue to do well. I still hurt myself from time to time.

Answer 9

yes me too - I also went quite mad with grief when my abuser stopped too - although I wanted it to stop more than anything -I think anything that becomes part of daily rituals of life is missed . My self harming is getting lesser and I circumvent it a lot but the struggle is still there - i do understand the aimlessness - well done you for getting clear.



Another way to look at the emptiness is the 'fruitful void' of creativity something good is hatching out so interesting to watch the space - see where it takes you next

Answer 10

I think it's normal. You spent a lot of time and energy focusing on those thoughts... they became part of who you were. Now that they're not there anymore, you have to redefine yourself, and decide who you are now. Who do you want to be? What kind of person do you aspire to become? What's really important to you? Think of the "void" that you are feeling as an open space just waiting to be filled with whatever it is you want to fill it with. Try to fill it with things that make you feel good about yourself, things that make you happy. Friends, family, volunteering, sports... anything that helps you become the person you want to be.



Congrats on starting this new phase of your life!

Answer 11

I am sorry that you find yourself so much alone with this massive problem, which is probably "the tip of the iceberg", representative of a lot of things that have been going on in your life for quite a while. Have a look at these two websites which you might find helpful. If you live in the UK, you could try phoning or texting the Samaritans, who will at least listen to you, I hope. You are certainly not the only one who has felt like this at such a tender age - my son had a sort of breakdown when he was 14, and I had depression when I was 17-18 after my father had a breakdown..... I hope and pray you can find someone to talk to, who will take you seriously and help you. My son spent several months in the Adolescent Unit at the Bethlem Royal Hospital, and got a lot of support there. Of course, this doesn't mean you need to go to hospital, but you do need someone to share your troubles with. Blessings and peace to you, sending you an e-hug!

Answer 12

it helped me cause when i was hurting myself my family and friends were hurting also. it was as if i was cutting them to.