Feeling really low. Struggling to get out of bed!!?

Question

Hi all

Bit of a long story but I really need help at the moment. Bit of background first. I am a 36 year old man and I am single again! My whole history with relationships seems to be that I want the wrong women. This is either women that are difficult or women that I think are too good for me in terms of looks etc and that I feel lucky to be with them. Whenever there has been a relationship with someone kind and caring and someone who wants to do stuff for me I become less interested. I really can't explain why it happens.
My gilfriend left me four weeks ago and I am still devastated. I have been trying to keep busy and I have avoided calling or texting her except to arrange for her to get her stuff. The way I have been feeling since she left is the worst I have ever felt. The pain is eating me up.

What makes it terrible is that we both work together and this is obviously incredibly difficult. Some of the time I am quite optimistic about the future but mostly I am having negative thoughts such as;

What if she is with someone else? (the thought rips my heart apart)
Will I ever meet someone or will I end up alone?
At 36 will I ever meet someone to settle down with and have a family?

How can I improve my self esteem and self worth because unless I like myself nobody will like me. Although I am aware that I have a lot to offer, I have a good job, my own house etc. I still feel that I have missed my chance for happiness and the way that I saw my life going hasn't happened.

I have read lots of advice on the internet and I have tried to follow it. I have got rid of stuff that reminds me of her. I have started a hobby, something I have put off for years, I am spending time with close friends and family and I realise that with time it will get easier but that doesn't help me now!
I know that this will make me sound soft but I am constantly upset and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.
How long will it take for the pain to go away?

The reason my girlfriend left me is that she is no longer attracted to me. I have really low self esteem and I suppose I am quite needy and this reason has made the split and my negative feeling even worse. She is 26 so there was a big difference in our ages. Also she had split up with me twice before and we have got back together. I have always felt that I loved her more than she loved me.


Does anyone have any tips on what will help? I really appreciate all the advice you can give.

At the moment I am just existing. In the past I have been optimistic but at the moment nothing seems to be able to break me away from this downward spiral!

Thanks in advance

(ADULTS ONLY PLEASE)

Answer 1

Been there done that only time will help,argh you work with her that's got to be hard {I didn't work near mine} get on a dating sight have some dates {not looking for much else but companionship,this way you are not going to be let down. Try craigslist.com, seems to be alot of hookers on there but I believe there are sincere women on there also. Best of luck and we are a rare commody so keep your head up and best of luck...

Answer 2

Dietary changes: Small changes really add up. I cut cola out of my diet and it's helped a lot. If you don't have time to cook healthy meals buy a slow cooker. Chop up a bunch of veggies and some meat, throw it all in with some water and you have a healthy meal...but in a slow cooker you can get the food cut up and in the cooker in the morning and have it ready for dinner. Exercise: I walk my son to and from school so I'm making activity a part of my life, while the walk alone won't drastically change me overnight the concept or idea of working fitness into your daily routine and can really help. Walk instead of taking a car/bus not only does it save you money on gas/bus fair but it's a great way to squeeze in that extra bit of exercise. While you are studying take jumping jack breaks, not only does this incorporate exercise into your day but in increases the oxygen flow to your brain which keeps you more focused and helps you learn things easier. When you are reading class material try doing bicep curls, before long it will be second nature and you'll be able to focus on the reading while squeezing in that extra bit of exercise. (just use some light weight dumbbells that can be stored in your desk/out of the way). You could also use a resistance band if you prefer. If you can wake up 20 minutes earlier try squeezing in the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. It is an interval training dvd and everyone I know has had results from using it, best of all each session is only 20 minutes long. Healthy supplements can increase the vitamins and anti-oxidents in your body and help your metabolism run faster. I hope these ideas help you, good luck =)

Answer 3

Hi Glenn, well for starters you are not old at 36 and of course its not too late to meet someone nice to settle with. It sounds to me that the age gap thing just hasnt worked this time but dont beat yourself up about it. I know how you feel about not wanting to get out of bed and face the world but how can you meet someone else from there! Get up, have a shower and just go for a walk. Hold your head up and smile. Life really isnt over yet believe me.x.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are taking very positive steps, the only thing you need to work on is the self-esteem thing. Even caring girls will have a problem with someone who is constantly down on themselves. Look at yourself honestly - what is it that you have a problem with? Take steps to fix that. Perhaps buy some new clothes, get a new haircut, start wearing cologne - whatever is necessary. I have been where you are and it is a long road. Without depressing you more, in my case, he met someone new, moved in with her, got engaged, got married, got pregnant. You need to prepare for it to happen. But go easy on yourself. Take things at your own pace. Wallow in bed if need be - I know I needed to go through that. They I started going out more, really getting to know myself, feeling attractive, getting male attention. Then wham, I met the right person. The one that gave me confidence, the one that was with me through the heartache because it took a long time to get over my ex, the one I'm now married with and SO happy with. It will happen. You just need to meet the right person. How? Get out there. Get out where people are. Be relaxed and don't look for anyone in particular, just be your usual (hopefully happy and friendly) self. Do things to make yourself confident and it will shine through. Good luck and I hope you meet that special person.

Answer 5

If you wish to know the lady believe, if you wish to understand what she need then you need this manual https://tr.im/RuS5U to steer you.

With the Tao of Badass guide you can give them what they need and they'll offer you what you desire.

With this guide you will have the ability to have any girl in virtually any room because this guide improvements the dreams in reality.

The Tao of Badass program can take you through nearly any issue with a woman or in a social placing and explain to you how you are most likely doing it correct now… and how it is in addition crucial to modify that.

Answer 6

you might not be bad-looking; you might have your own house and car; you must have something about you initially to attract girls...have you ever thought of that?



So, whats the problem? I would say its you. You are turning girls off whom you feel you are good enough for but you must be moaning or something or have negativeness about you . Girls dont want a lame duck...thats what you must sound like !!



Other girls whom you dont think you are good enough for dont get this negative side of you as you just go off thinking ...if they really knew me they would know I'm not good enough ...so Im off. Snap out of it!! Think of yourself as a strong , supportive male who can make a girl feel good ...forget about yourself for a change...everyone..even girls too good for you need uplifting not misery!!!

Answer 7

Bear in mind that you are a marketable commodity! There are few eligible single men about in their mid thirties...just get out more and socialise...Yes, she was perhaps too young. Get over it and view your glass as half FULL, not half empty!

Answer 8

i'm 15..

can called me adult?