Please help/suggest? Looking for a BEST ANSWER. Will pick it.. tomorrow! (My birthday).. Confidence issues?

Question

Hi.
I'm looking for help/suggestions.. for my confidence.
I'm fifteen.. sixteen.. tomorrow morning, yay me, lol. :)
I'm very shy, around boys and I can't even walk to the supermarket, without feeling unsecure. From a very young age, I was protected and cooped up inside and now, it is catching up with me. I'm a really bubbly person and a laugh, when people get to know me. I just can't find the confidence to get out there.. on my own and do things, that a normal teenager would do. I feel as if, I'm stuck and I would love to not give a care in the world, of what anybody thought of me. I'm also scared of my safety. My mum, has poured that many stories, into my head, I just can't break out of this endless cycle.
Please help, I want some confidence and I want to show people, that I can do things. I am starting college this year and I would love to be able to do things and go places, make new friends and maybe find a boyfriend.
Thanks to everyone who answers.
This is a serious problem.

Answer 1

I used to be just like you. I'm 26 now and have only learned over the last few years how to not care what other people think. I wish I had learned when I was your age. I missed out on so much! It is very much in your head, but it sounds like you already know that. That's a great place to start! First steps would be to go to a local coffee shop with a book and just sit in the corner and read. It gets you out, but you won't feel like the center of attention. Also, you can watch other people. You'll start to notice that a lot of people think the same way you do! That will help you. After you are comfortable with that, start talking to people as you buy things, like the cashiers, that way you will get used to talking to new people without being in an awkward situation. It's all about baby steps. You'll get there! You have made the right first step by asking for help! :)

Answer 2

First off, don't tell yourself that you are a failure. You need to have positive thoughts! Believe in yourself! Instead of pointing out all your flaws, think of all the great things you can do, your talents, innner beauty, etc.



You also have to realize that almost everyone your age has insecurities, whether they show them or not. It's a perfectly normal part of growing up. Even though these feelings are normal, life is WAY too short to worry about little things. Who really cares what people think about you. The only thing that matters is that YOU like the person you are becoming, and YOU agree with the decisions you make.



You seem like such a sweet person, and im sure you would make a great friend, so put yourself out there! The best way to make friends and to socialize is to take up a hobby. For instance, you could go to tennis classes (or another sport) and learn a new sport while you make friends who have the same interests as you. Or maybe some type of art or writing club. Whatever interests you!



Good luck, wherever life takes you! And remember, just be yourself!



P.S. Happy Sweet 16!!! Hope you have an awesome birthday!

Answer 3

I've had the same issue you are having for most of my life up until I was 17. It was really hard for me to be around people, and get to know them. Making friends was most difficult. Look in the mirror in the mornings and tell yourself you are beautiful or say something like "looking mighty good today" mean it when you say it. Set a goal each day and if you don't achieve it try it the next day until you are able to accomplish it. Maybe tomorrow it will be get to know one new person, maybe when you feel more confident with yourself walk to supermarket, even if it's half way there.... At least you made some progress. Just take it one step at a time. I didn't find a boyfriend until after my 18th birthday. Interact with people, and keep reminding yourself of all the positive things that you're getting out of this. This is honestly how I got my confidence up, and was able to live outside my shell. Take care of yourself, and just take one day at a time... See where that takes you. I am now 20, engaged, and no longer afraid of going out, meeting people, and just being the true me. I do get anxious around big crowds of people or in places where I don't know anyone, but I'm working on it each day, and yes I still set some minor goals if I know I'm going to be in this situation. I wish you the best of luck! You can do it I have faith in you. Happy 16th Birthday!

Answer 4

The best way to break out of being shy and insecure is to ask yourself what's the worst that can happen and what's the best that can happen in any situation. As a mattter of fact when I was in high school I started rapping. I didn't freestyle or anything I just learned songs and sung em. Next thing I knew it was easier to open up to people. Anyway after awhile your parents keep pushing you to do more and people start talking to you cuz you won't talk them. And you realize that you have to do what you gotta do cuz nothing gonna change until you push yourself to the max. I'm pretty shy and insecure myself but I can't take it easy forever. Sometimes all it takes is alittle push from a friend or family member. Praying helps too.

Answer 5

Take one thing at a time -- what do you mean when you say "things that normal teenagers do?" Pick something that isn't very threatening -- maybe a school baseball game (assuming your school is a safe one). Also, practice looking confident in front of the mirror. Make eye contact (with yourself, in front of the mirror), stand up straight with your shoulders back, don't fidget or play with your hair, hold your head up (meaning you're not staring at the ground), and smile a little. Confidence is something you can fake. Just keep saying to yourself, "I feel confident. I look good. Don't fidget. Hold your head up. I look good. I feel confident." You'll find that people respond to you differently, which will make you feel more confident, which will make you act more confident, etc. Good luck and happy birthday:-)

Answer 6

I understand where you are coming form. I was very protected and attended a small private school where my mom taught until 8th grade. Once I got to high school (a much larger public school), I really had problems with being confident. I sent a couple years spending time with just a few close friends, people I was much more bubbly and comfortable around, but as time went on, I gradually got more comfortable around people other than my small group and began branching out. Just don't compromise who you are to try to gain confidence and acceptance. I hope you can find the confidence to do everything you want to do.

Answer 7

your situation seems to be very overwhelming to you and id just like to tell you your not alone, many girls feel the same way you do



1. breathe...in and out..

2. the first step is too adress your fear and pinpoint the reasons behind it which you have done fairly well and now want to fix, you are doing great at trying to more your situtation along faster and realistically

3. my advice to you is find things you are interested in whether it be art, music, sports, get active in different clubs or teams its a great way to meet new people and build your social skills

4. don't pretend to be something you're not, remember that no one can be a better you..than YOU

5. look at yourself in the mirror, write different mantras that comfort you and repeat them everyday such as "i am a woman of great virtue, nothing can stand in my way"

small things like these are sure to help

do things you enjoy, spend time with family, have fun and relax

so stick yourself out there into the world and show them whos boss and who you really are



take it step by step and dont rush into anything

oer time your confidence will build and so will yoru character

and others will acknowledge you for who you are

<3

Answer 8

Congratulations on turning 16! You are taking a wonderful, exciting and scary step toward adulthood by seeking help with this issue. I too have battled with this and the first stage in getting better is asking for help. I'm going to give you a lot of information, but feel free to contact me for any clarification or if you need anything else.



If there is anyway you can I would go to a psychiatrist or psychologist who you can trust I would encourage you to do so. It sounds as if you have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or social anxiety. It can be disabling, and it is very damaging to many aspects of life if it isn't treated. It hurts people who are so wonderful because they generally care very much about those around them and are very compassionate people.



Some options for you are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which will work on the self disparaging thoughts that you seem to have and the anxiety you are dealing with. Many find this method to be very effective in a relatively short period of time. You can also do positive self talk or positive affirmations.



Resources for CBT and positive self talk:

http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/audioseries.html

http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=2249

http://www.selftalk.org/



Medications are also an option. Buspar works very well with the feelings of anxiety but it does not completely eliminate them so I would recommend CBT in addition or as a starting point. I have also seen people become sedated with Buspar, although it is not supposed to be very sedating, so you may want to use it just in certain situations. "Antidepressants" such as Paxil or Lexapro are also effective but it takes time to get the dosage right and to feel the full effects. It is also VERY important that you are monitored by your doctor frequently because they can increase the risk of suicide. Again I would recommend not relying only on medication since this there are many thought processes that contribute to this disorder.



I think it is very important that you find someone immediately who can be a good confidant for you. If you do not feel you can reveal anything to any of your friends then you might want to check out organizations for people with GAD or social phobias. It can be comforting just to talk with other people who have the same problems and find out that you are much stronger than you know and are capable of overcoming this.



I have GAD, and it or Social Anxiety are disorders that you can control with help. I'm 35 years old in a wonderful relationship with a very successful career as a Registered Nurse. You can do anything you set out to do!

Answer 9

You sound like me a couple years ago. No ones going to believe your confident IF YOU DONT believe it yourself.



First thing you REALLY need to do is block out all the negative thoughts about yourself. Make yourself believe your something special, which im sure YOU ARE!!

next, you need to smile a lot. Happy ppl r confiedent ppl(or so they seem) ppl LOVE being around ppl who laugh and smile a lot b/c they seem so.. confident :)



its just a mind issue sweetie. think great thoughts about urself, laugh lots, smile ALWAYS, act like your just having the time of your life and take a couple chances.. walk up to the boys u think are cute and tell them!



Good luck!!

Answer 10

you need to just face what you are fearing, just hold your head up high and go to the supermarket. just make yourself think you have the confidence to go there and do other stuff. you wont get anywhere in life just hiding inside from confidence problems. just get out there!

Answer 11

Medatate ... Serioulsy Its Good For You!