I think school is going to kill me, how do I handle it?

Question

While I was in high school I was incredibly obsessed with earning 100s. A 99 was upsetting to me, I felt like I had failed. Finally, I had a breakdown. I still kept earning my 100s, but from home (even that was very stressful, too). I'm starting college soon. I'm afraid that I'm going to go to my first class and have a breakdown. Nothing changes my mind, there's a reason I'm obsessed.

My mom made me see a therapist. I didn't open up to her, and I always refused medicine. But to prove my point to my mom I agreed, after years of saying "no" to medicine (but only months of a therapist), to try it. I loyally took the medicine and I was just as stressed out as ever. School means so much to me, I would never let anything get in my way. I used to starve myself, get blackouts, and have heart palpitations and I still maintained my perfect scores and made sure to earn the same number of awards as ever. School isn't easy for me, so those 100s in advanced courses and in outside college courses are from obsessing. I will never take medicine again, I don't like things that attempt to change how my mind works, even if another one would help my stress I don't want it. I only took it to prove my point.

I'm sorry I sound really selfish and awful here. I was nice to my mom about the medicine, even though it sounds like I was mean to her over it here. Do you have any advice on what do to stay calm for college though? I have a ton of anxiety over school, I worry that I can't take it anymore. I have at least 12 years ahead of me (which I don't mind at all, it's the scores that scare me), and I can't even handle a 99, how do I handle something worse?

I'm sorry for whining about this. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you!

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation in elementary and high school, though slightly different: This will make me sound like a horrible person, but I was only ever satisfied with any mark if it was the top mark in the class. For example, a 96 would be okay for me, but only if nobody got a 97. If someone did, then that same 96 felt like a total failure.



I am now going into my 4th year of an engineering degree, and there are some real geniuses in my programme. I am not the top of my class. I hated it at first, but I have come to terms with the fact that I am still worthy and doing very well, even though other people get better marks than do I.



You are obviously smart and going into a challenging programme of study. You are not going to get 100% on everything you do. It is impossible, and even if you're in pure math things start to get subjective in terms of marking.



If you cannot free yourself from this need to always be perfect, you will fail very quickly.



That said, there must be a way for you to learn to do your best and accept whatever marks you get. After all, if it is your best effort, what reason is there to be disappointed?



Without being inside your head, I cannot tell you how to do this. Start by thinking about who you would like to be in 5 years. NOT what career you would like to have, or which things you would like to have accomplished, but who you want to be as a person.



If you are comfortable with the idea, read up on different types of meditation. I have found some buddhist techniques and philosophies to be very valuable, but meditation does not need to be tied to any religion. Work toward finding something that works for you.



We as humans are so much more than we can ever know. The human mind is very powerful. Although you feel trapped by this need to get perfect grades, you do have the power to free yourself without medication, but nobody can tell you how to do this. You'll have to figure it out for yourself.



Do some soul-searching and find out who you really want to be rather than just what you want to do, and then go from there.



This could be a form of OCD but that does not mean that you need to be medicated. You have recognized that this is a problem and you will find a way to overcome it.

Answer 2

Relax.

One thing. Lower your standards. Sometimes I study, study and study for a final hoping to get an A, but I get a B and I'm happy with it.

Just accept a grade for what it is. No worrying.

Also, I agree with you that school is important, but putting it in front of your health? Health, exercise and school go hand in hand.

As for college, I'm a transfer junior and what I do that makes life a lot easier is that I jot down what I need to do for the day. Everything, my priorities, tasks short term and long. I read everything from bicycle laws to the names of my professors, the course descriptions and scholarships/events etc. Then I explore campus, get to know where the gym is ( a good stress reliever ) and know where my classes are.

I also meet new people and ask many questions about things I'm not sure of. A question not asked about something you don't know runs you according consequences in the future. Don't be afraid to ask, college is meant to help you too!



I could go on, but you get the gist.

Answer 3

is you want to go to art achool you'll need to finish basic highschool first wont you? somtimes school just doesnt suit certian ppl. ask if you can go live with dad for a while if you need a break from your brothers, I took a whole year and a half off school in between yr 10 and yr 11 and was much better off for it, got a taste of real life in the work force, and when i went back was much more mature about the whole thing, i realised that i was only at school because i wanted to be there now and put much more effort into my school work and cos i was 2 yrs older then all the other kids in my year i found it much easier to get on with the teachers. hope all this helps, good luck.

Answer 4

Hi Gwen,



You may handle things better if you have some down time.

There are established, recognized techniques to learn to relax.

This Mayo Clinic article is an index to some of them:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/relaxation-technique/sr00007

Knowing what they are called, Im sure you can find info and books with more details, should you wish.

They can be effective, but they take practice.



For the times when everything builds up, and you need "first aid", here is another technique:

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Self-Hypnosis-to-Stop-Anxiety-Attacks

I have used self hypnosis before, and it actually seemed to do what I wanted at the time.



These may help, but they won't get to the root of the problem.

Please continue with therapy, and find friends to whom you can open up.



Best wishes.

Answer 5

It sounds like you need to relax and de-stress. Try going to the spa or something the day before school. It'll totally relax you and keep your head clear. My advice to you, which is what I did, is take an introductory course to college, which teaches you how to deal with it. At my school it was called Education 1105, or First Year Experience...If you're still stressing, go to one of the general education advisors

Answer 6

Perfectionism is thought to be related to OCD, and anxiety, so check out the relevant posts, and web pages on those subjects at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/index.html & pages I, F, & B. Treat the underlying cause, and any associated problems become much more manageable. Stress is also addressed; try the free weblinks. Also check out the info, on social anxiety (page E), and self confidence. Visualise a dial, with the setting of your perfectionism at 100; now visualise, as vividly as you possibly can, yourself changing it to 99, 98, or 97, as much as you think you can live reasonably comfortably with, for a while, at least; maybe 96, or even 94!



Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" Professional is best. - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I am often a perfectionist, I deeply and completely accept myself."



Importantly; with due focus, and intent; put forward something good, but where you know there is some room for improvement, to show yourself that the world won't come to an end in such a situation. Employ Dr. Burns strategy*, of listing likely outcomes, and how you would cope, in such eventualities. Most people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or, quicker, cheaper, and more conveniently: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com Overcome Perfectionism



At: http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com there is: Self-Criticism and Perfectionism CD - MP3. Read: "Never Good Enough", by Monica Ramirez Basco. How to use perfectionism to your advantage without letting it ruin your life. Also consider: http://www.amazon.com/When-Perfect-Isnt-… and "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by * David D. Burns, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com and use their searchbar for more books, CD's, & VHS.

Answer 7

I have a friend who was exactly like that. She she let her school work become the most important thing to her. She was always the best, and one day when somone came along who was better than her, she couldn't handle it. "I had let education become my God." Thats how she explained it. School is important. But there are other important things you can fill your life with too.

http://www.notreligion.com/index.php/the-answer/The-Problem.html

Answer 8

smoke some weed