I'm tired of living a life of pain (not a phase/not emo)?

Question

Sup, so before I say anything, if you're going to answer something like "suicide is never the answer" just don't. Anyway, I'm not typing out my entire life story, let's just say all my life I've been a charming, talented, popular guy who everyone likes; I am a huge narcissist and am used to people worshiping me, but for 3 years (this past year has been worse than the other 2 combined) I have been slowly getting worse mentally; I will just say I'm not some edgy little kid who is ugly and gets bullied or comes from a broken home and is depressed, that's lame. I actually have real problems that usually take the trophy when I play "complain about your life" with other young people. I basically stopped being social in august and have barely left my house since. I have psychosis, bipolar, methane poisoning resulting in both short and long term memory loss, derealization disorder (I think) and several more mild brain disorders, and I am getting physically weaker every day, can barely walk sometimes (the fact that I'm not eating, sleeping, or working out anymore has only made it all worse).

I have had my psychotic episodes where I was a threat to myself and others, but this is different. I have only a handful of reasons to get up in the morning (metaphorically since I mostly stay in bed) but those reasons are huge. And I have a successful life ahead of me if my brain is suddenly fixed. There's a good chance it might be. Since I'm not a confused 13 year old, the fact that I'm posting a question here shows I've finally reached my breaking point. I'm sick of living a lie and pretending to be fine, when I can't even leave my house. When I go outside life doesn't feel real, I forget where I am and get lost, and I hallucinate sometimes. My life basically feels like a combination of vanilla sky and max payne 3. Usually nothing bothers me and I just drink to take my mind off of things, but I've finally reached my limit when I realized some of my memories were fabrications (I can barely remember anything from my life, and I forget most short term memories after a few seconds). My life has turned into a mental prison, and I'm tired of it. I would like a fellow psychologist's opinion on whether or not I should just end the constant pain. I'm not depressed or having a psychotic episode, I am just sick of living like this. Take into account that there is no convincing me to stop thinking about suicide, my problems are real and not something that will "go away," and I am not being dramatic. I just want a simple opinion on my question of "is it better to torture yourself and slowly die while hoping you might recover and take over the world, or is taking the easy way out a viable option". I'll say it again, I'm not an emo little kid or someone with clinical depression, so just know there is no help for me. If they send me to a mental hospital I will definitely try to kill myself, because I will have a psychotic episode. The doctors say it will all go away if gain 30 or so lbs, go out more, and take a whole bunch of supplements, but I don't think they understand how sick I actually am.

All rambling aside, I'm not taking drugs, suicide counselling is useless, and I have 3 choices:

1. Put an end to the constant mental torment, physical pain, and emotional stress from watching my perfect life fall apart and my dreams come crashing down.

2. Keep holding on, doing what they say, hoping for a slow change. If it doesn't work I could actually die because I'm so sick, in my opinion I can't survive another year if this if it gets worse.

3. Let them send me to a hospital and risk me having an episode and hurting myself and/or others.


I don't need any "omg suicide is never the answer" speeches, I just want to know what someone else would do in my position.

Answer 1

with your kind permission- as you're young enough to be my son- a good, big, warm hug is hereby sent to you-in spite of the distance- to begin with...

you're at the utmost age of growing and flourishing in every way-on one hand- and a very difficult age- too-on the other hand -even regardless of your soul problems- as if they weren't...

as far as I humbly am able to understand - you must be on prescription drugs -meant and able to make you feel better...and you need -urgently!!! need the professional help of a psychiatrist-in real life-in your area - someone skilled in treating people of your age- with no further delay...even if it takes your immediately getting to the Emergency Room-inasmuch as you feel that bad...yeah, baby...

I hereby humbly beg you- from the depths of my hot heart and soul- which your words here just shook: refrain, repeat-REFRAIN - from ANY form of even trying to self- harm or take your own life- whatsoever...heed the fact tat such a ''try''-even a ''failed '' one- can leave you both physically and further mentally disabled for good... you obviously deserve much better than this...

as much as I am able to understand- it might/ all be about some chemical imbalance- within your brain- making you feel the way you feel- and it's treatable...

it's right that your condition may slowly improve...but- it's just about giving yourself a chance to live and get better... please- do yourself the favor to go for it...

be so kind-please- to do yourself the favor to see yourself as you probably are: just another unique, unrepeatable pearl of Mother Nature- therefore entitled- at least as much as everyone of us- to a normal, happy, dignified life...

stick to life....timely get the help you need...and may life come your way...may it smile to you in return...may you overcome your life's hardships...may you make all your dreams come true...the best possible, dignified way...here-in the one world we're granted...

it also sounds to me that you need-urgently - the professional help of a nutritionist-in real life-in your area- someone skilled in treating people of your age....

you need a balanced nutrition- with plenty of fruit and vegetables- high-quality proteins from meat, fis,,,yeah, baby... eggs, milk and dairy products-, both animal and vegetal fats- the latter meaning edible oils- and carbohydrates -and at least- 3000-3500 calories per day- all tailored to your age, height, real and ideal weight, growth needs etc...

Answer 2

the way you sound, the first thing i say is that it is your decision and choice what you do with your body. it might not have been your decision before, but obviously now it is. if you feel like suicide, well then...up to you. it is everyones own choice and right. only dont forget: there is no way back and everything, also the smallest thing you might like in life would be gone.



by the list of your mental disorders there has been severe abuse, all sorts of types as well. congratulations that you are still alive. maybe you are just a strong person.

and however bad the abuses have been, there is a way of healing for strong people.

and the way is long and really hard to face all those things, but on the way is candy along the road.

these are not just words, these are facts.



of course you wont get a suicide recipe from anyone here i assume but seeing the way you write, you also dont need that. you sound intelligent.



i hope you will heal!

Answer 3

Well, first off, I wouldn't really know how to convince anything to you since I don't go through any of the things you do.

I say try going to a different doctor. Try expressing some of these feelings without giving too much of your emotional thoughts away. Or if you haven't been following what the doctors had to say or prescribed to you, at least try.

Also try to find a way to make life better. Instead of looking at your past and thinking so much of how your life used to be, try to look at it now. Focus on getting better. Some psychologists believe that if you believe in something hard enough, it would come true. Maybe by you thinking negatively is also getting to your health. Maybe you're blaming your problems so much on your health that you are letting it get to you.

Just an opinion, not saying it's true since I don't know the whole thing.

I honestly don't know what to say in order to help you. I hope someone else can say something to help you.

Answer 4

Tired Of Living In Pain

Answer 5

1- mature. that kid isn't lame

2- the only change you're going to see is the one you make. keep on waiting and nothing will change.

3- people are trying to help you, let them

4- get psicological help, it does help

5- maybe start writing or get some kind of hobbie you could get your mind off to

6- you say you're diagnosed with mental problems and such, were they diagnosed by a doctor or did you diagnosed them yourself? Are you taking your meds? You should. They help

Answer 6

Read Marcus Aurelius emperor of Rome and discourses and enchiridion Epictetus. READ THE BOOKS. If you think leaving the play is best, after you have READ THE BOOKS, then depart and quit playing. I can't make a decision for you. Read the books, then proceed with your decision :)

Answer 7

If I were you i'd just stay alive and see if it passes cause I think suicide is lame and the easy way out, but that's just me



hope you feel better sometime though, seriously