WHY HAVE I NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND!!!?!!!? I fear never being able to get married.?

Question

I need some advice. I am a nice guy, I am short (5'7") but athletic. I am in college and have never had a girlfriend. That is all I want right now. It is my dream to get married to someone I can look at as awesome. I don't think I know how to flirt well enough. I am a Christian, so I will wait to get married to lose my virginity, but I really feel the need for that intimacy semi-soon. I am decently outgoing and lead a life group at my school. I want to believe that I will get married someday but right now I think that I really just need a girlfriend and some affection. I need to feel like some part of me or my life is attractive to somebody. My life has been wasted because of this. I was blessed with an awesome dad and really want a chance to give that blessing to my kids, but they have to exist. This is my only serious selfish desire.

I am 20 and act confidant and am complimented often on how fun I am but I am really lonely and I feel looked down upon by most every female. I feel forgotten and belittled. People say to be patient and I am getting better about that, but I still want to grow myself and when I do get a chance with a girl I like I don't want to let her down! How can I be better?
I am very athletic (won most athletic in my class) and intelligent (32 on my ACT). I am no Bill Gates, but I am in the upper middle class. I love people so much and can easily connect with guys. Why is it so hard to find a relationship?

I am wasted as a single person. One of the biggest blessings ever in my life has been my dad; I like to believe that he raised me to be a good husband and father. I fear not being able to experience those things and having a general lack of purpose in my life. I fear coming home from work every day to no body. I fear not getting married. I love people; I guess I am just not a lovable person.

Believe it or not I am a positive confidant person unless my dating life is the topic. I feel so lonely and forgotten. I fear my turn for love will never come. Often I want to roll over and die. Consistent singleness makes me feel so unattractive and forgotten, the worst feeling of all is feeling wasted.

I approach some girls, but only get rejected. I am the type of person who would date someone who was already my friend. Otherwise a relationship would feel fake anyways.

I am starting to get parental and even pastoral pressure to date. And obviously I want to. I want to do simple things. I would love to be a father and a husband someday. I can't seem to ever have a moment of affection: a kiss, sexual hug (special, could be touchy, long or just from someone who doesn't hug everyone), even a date. I am everything that I want to be and still no one will give me any affection. I feel the need to touch some of my sexuality. I want a girlfriend more than I should, but I really want one. A hope deferred makes the heart sick and mine definitely fits that bill.

I want to give all that I am to someone, but nobody seems to want my love. So naturally I want to change everything that I can for the better. How can they know me and see that I actually want to love them? HOW CAN I SHOW THEM MY HEART?

I am desperate, I know that. I think that comes off a lot more in my writing than in my life, but any ideas as to how I can hide that and actually date someone? In your opinion, will I get married someday?

Answer 1

you'll DEFINITELY get married. i know this is easier said than done, but try not to stress over it so much! be patient.



going on a lot of dates with low expectations is helpful. that may sound counter intuitive, but if you go on casual dates with lots of girls, it can take the pressure of the girl and make her more interested in you. Plus, it might help your self esteem. Before we got married, my husband was the kinda guy that went on dates with lots of girls. As a matter of fact, he went on a date with a different girl the night after our first date! That kind of behavior on his part made me feel like there was less pressure, so I wasn't scared away. If I had known he was already gaga for me and really wanted to get married and be a dad, I probably wouldn't have given him a chance.



So next time you meet a girl your age, ask her in a very laid back way to do something with you, like go out to eat or whatever. Desperation is hard to hide, so make it a priority to be relaxed and just have fun. Don't think "this might be the one/i hope she hugs me/etc." Just try to enjoy your time with her, and then go do the same thing with every girl you meet. Eventually, you'll be on a second or third date with one of them, and the vibe will feel right, and you will hold hands or share a special embrace or kiss.



Flirting is a must! If you don't know how to flirt, just think of the things that girls do that make you attracted to them. Smile, make eye contact, maybe tease a little, laugh and make them laugh. Ask questions and share your thoughts. Compliment her in a casual way. you sound like you have a lot going for you. let that shine instead of desperation.

Answer 2

You probably try so hard that you come across as needy.

First is your decision to remain chaste until marriage

common knowledge? It sets you apart from most of

your contemporaries. Also asking only your friends to

go out with you usually isn't effective. Many girls do not

want to disrupt a valued friendship.



Relax and begin by asking out girls who you find friendly

or appealing. Giving your all to someone can be too

much. Everyone needs to have a sense of self worth

that can be shared but not given. Concentrate on your

fun loving side now. Forget searching for a wife. You

may have to date a few or several girls before finding

the one.



Since you aren't known to date some may even think

it's by choice because you are gay. If you haven't

done so join some religious or interest groups where

you can meet and socialize with girls who share your

interests.



Lastly be naturally positive by suggesting that you go

to a movie or game or some other low key event. That

makes it less of a date enabling you to be more at ease.

Forget love for now when it is meant to evolve it will.

You needn't tie yourself to one girl to begin. Surely your

buddies have girlfriends who have a friend they want to

fix up.



Good luck and overcome your "forgotten", "belittled"

and "overlooked" feelings. You need to change your

self-programming to fail.

fail.

Answer 3

Nothing turns girls off more than desperation and insecurity. If you meet someone and start talking about past relationships you don't have to spill your guts and say you've never had any luck. You could focus on truthful positives, like I was concentrating on school and your group etc. Other than that you seem to have a lot going for you. Those two traits are self-deprecating. Try a dating website. If you are a christian try that christianmingle.com Your time will come.



P.S. It sounds like you want to meet a decent girl so leave the money thing out of it! It just would sound out of place. Escorts and gold-diggers like money. If you need that repost and I'll direct you to some websites for those.

Answer 4

- please realize it is NOT ABOUT GETTING A GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE

- - - that gets you desperate - - that makes you desperate - - - that sets you up to marry the first female that walks past you - - you might not realize it but girlfriends and wives are like ROOMATES - - there are roomates who would make you rue the day you were born

- - - when you come across as DESPERATE - people pick up on that and is drives and scares people away

- - - also - - make up your mind you don't want to settle for A girlfriend or settle for A wife

- make up your mind you want to settle for some one you like being with

- someone who likes being with you

- some one compatible - - someone you enjoy being with

- - - you need to google or should google what people write about love - as in people being good and nice to each other

- - because when people are DESPERATE - - they confuse ATTENTION for LOVE

- - self SHE LOOKED AT ME - - ME - ME - SHE LOOKED AT ME - THEREFORE SHE LOVES ME -





NOT



- love is like ; like is love ; ;;;;; when you treat each other good nice with respect kindness

that might be love





- - - - ENGARDE - - - Don't settle for some woman who makes you miserable

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How can a Christian pray for something if he thinks he is doing it wrong or being bad by asking ???

- - - get the book God's Creative Power - written by Charles Capps = = in that book I am sure you will read it and it will explain how you can pray and feel that you are asking in a lawful and respectful way - not breaking any rules - - - I got my copy from an on line Christian Book store

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http://www.christianbook.com/gods-creative-power-will-work-copies/charles-capps/9780982032060/pd/2032060?product_redirect=1&Ntt=2032060&item_code=&Ntk=keywords&event=ESRCP

Answer 5

I also don't have a girlfriend. I get offers from girls at college but i refuse coz i don't wanna go in depression if someday she breaks up with me. So i think you can go for arrange marriage later on.

Answer 6

Rosco you sound crazy, and you can show them your heart by getting an x-ray.