Question:
Help with my panic attacks nd truama?
Jim
2008-05-14 20:28:07 UTC
am a 23 year old guy.Coz of my past severe childhood mental nd emotional trauma nd growing up in a strict religious and dysfunctional family,I developed intense fear nd painful shyness,panic attacks,social phobia during early teenage years..Even now as an adult,every time I go out alone or with someone, I feel as if everyone is staring at me nd finding fault with me.This has affected my love life as well to the extent that every time a girl shows interests in me,I turn them off coz of my inner flaws or I get too hesitant to get into a romantic relationship nd prefer being friends.So,I never had a girlfriend before..It is affecting my social life and other areas as well..I tried all of that postive thinkings stuff,affirmations,prayer for a long time, with only a little improvement.Going to church didn't make it any better as I grew up in a strict Christian household where I used to be scolded as a child when I didn't want to pray.Strange as all of this might sound,please offer advice.
Ten answers:
LexzMand!ta787
2008-05-14 21:08:57 UTC
wow.....you and i have a lot in common. I also have a lot of anxieties about going out. I feel sometimes like there is something wrong with me that everybody can see, like everyone is laughing at me in their heads or something. It makes me just want to stay inside and stay away. It affects my relationship with my fiance sometimes too as I cant see why the heck someone as great as him would be interested in someone as gross as me. Its like as much as he tells me he loves me and he thinks I'm wonderful, I don't trust it at all. I say all that just to say that I feel that I have a good understanding of where you're coming from. I think that you have serious serious self esteem issues (as do I.) You're uncomfortable with yourself on the inside to the point where you think everyone else can see the lonely scared person you are just by looking at you. My advice to you is this:



1.you need an outlet. whether this outlet is a person, a journal (i have an online journal at livejournal.com) or something you do to express the way you feel inside.

2. you need a person that you can trust-if it cant be any of your friends, find a counselor or someone you can tell all your secret feelings and insecurities too. I found that when I kept all those things from my fiance I always felt awkward around him. I felt like he was just another person in the world that I couldnt trust. I felt scared and I really wanted someone to know how scared I was of just life itself and tell me that I would be ok. Be careful about who you choose. I'm lucky enough that he's a very understanding person, and he wanted very much to understand. Make sure your support isnt a jerk and wont tell you you're weird. Someone who genuinely wants to understand. Counselors can be a little awkward at first because they dont know you from a whole in the wall, but after the initial awkwardness it can be great-a journal that talks back to you, and asks you questions to help you examine yourself and get to the root of your confusion.

3) write down a list of things that make you happy. like REALLY happy. immediate pick-me-up kind of things, so when you feel yourself starting to despair you can get that dopamine rush too your brain and avoid breaking down. if your alltime favorite desert is chocolate ice cream, have a supply on hand and put up a sign in your room to remind you that dude....life sucks...but some ice cream would taste great right now.

4.) as far as relationships go, understand that no one shows interest in a person that they're not interested in. they're interested in you for a reason. there's something about you that they like!! celebrate that fact first. you cant be all bad cuz someone's lookin at you!!! its also ok to let someone know that you're interested in them too, but you would rather be friends first and establish the trust that YOU need to feel. if they really want to get to know you and see what you're all about, they'l understand taht you're not shutting them out completely, you just would rather not go through the emotional ups and downs of a relationship until you're ready. you're 23 dude you're young and you still have time to work on your issues and have successful secure relationships.
2008-05-14 20:46:37 UTC
I understand man.....I'm a 25 year old guy that came from an abusive childhood from my Dad (physically, mentally, emotionally). I put on a mask for years because I realized that as long as you smile, people don't bother to look deeper and see if you're okay, but the truth is I've had alot of problems of feeling inferior, weak, worthless, etc...was drinking, self-medicating, self-mutilating (mainly burning, some cutting) etc, and unfortunately have attempted suicide and have been committed 3 times (twice voluntary, last time involuntary b/c I O.D. and almost died on the way to the hospital). But I'm still alive. Through medication and expecially Counseling, I am doing tons better. It's amazing. I'm not saying I'm 100% okay with everything in my past and it doesn't bother me....but you get to where you can cope better, you know?



I know that counselling can sound weird, b/c when I first started I was thinking "Okay, how is some complete stranger gonna tell me what's wrong with me and how to fix it, blah blah"......Well I'll be damned, once we started talking, stuff just started POURING out of me. It's definately been a good thing for me.



So please, don't wait and put on a mask for years until you come to the breaking point like I did......Seek help for it, please.



Medication and counseling can do amazing things. Me still being alive is a testament to that, because I haven't felt suicidal or tried since that last time, which was a good while back.
2016-05-17 10:35:51 UTC
Hi there, I just laugh about my past 3 years of panic now. I was not able to go anywhere without carrying xanax. Fear of having another attack was the most important subject of my days.When i first found joe barry's web site i started to cry because of my happiness.



Free audio to end anxiety and panic attacks fast?
2016-04-06 02:21:00 UTC
No, not at all. I'm a Virgo and we tend to mature younger. I'm 17 and am in a committed relationship. The thought of marrying the girl I fell in love with at a young age excites me! There's nothing wrong with settling down, having a family, and enjoying life with someone. :) If it helps you can choose whether your children play soccer or not. Maybe your future-spouse would do the carting around. Don't always think worse case scenario! You're not doing yourself any good.
Answer Annie
2008-05-14 20:39:10 UTC
It doesn't sound strange at all. I did not grow up in the same circumstances as you, but still suffered from anxiety and feelings on inferiority and like everyone stared at me and talked about me. I also was socially inept. But you know what brought me out of it? Giving my life to the Lord, Jesus. He has taught me who I am in Him, and that I don't have to please anybody but Him. I now have confidence in who I am in Him...not who I am in myself.



Please don't give up on the Lord just because you had a strict Christian household growing up. Your parents can't save you or make you want to serve the Lord. But I pray you will seek to know Jesus for who He is and not just because you're "expected" to do so. You might just be surprised!
dodger805
2008-05-14 20:36:06 UTC
you know god is and should be a part of your life, so you have a great start there.

However even if everyone is staring at you or even talking about you, who cares!

you will never keep EVERYONE happy!

do whaever makes YOU happy, think of a hobby.

And i know talking to a psychologist may sound off, it actually may help, you should try different things and or meds and im sure you will be just fine.
KathieJo
2008-05-14 20:36:00 UTC
PLEASE, call a therapist tomorrow and get an appointment as soon as possible! You have been forced into wasting too much of your life already! Get the help you need! There is a whole, big, beautiful world out there just waiting for you! Go and enjoy! kjl
BETTYBOOP
2008-05-14 21:36:02 UTC
Prayer without works is dead, GOD works through people, so please seek professional help and incorporate prayer as well, I suffered the same things you've mentioned and I been in therapy for awhile and guess what? It is working for me. You have to challenge your fears and just do the opposite of your thoughts. that to really works for me as well. It will get better you just have to know it will.
2008-05-14 20:37:59 UTC
Wow, that is very sad...I also had that type of problem...when I had panic attacks I felt I was going to die at any second. The truth is your mind...only you can cure yourself...some help might serve you.
2008-05-14 20:50:49 UTC
See the techniques for control of panic attacks, in section 8, in my website, at ezy build, below, which I created to contain all the information that there isn't enough space for, here. Begin, on this first occasion, only, by holding your breath for 5, or 10 seconds: this will give you the confidence to realise that YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR BREATHING, but not pass out, or die (your autonomic nervous system resumes breathing, if you become unconscious). Understand panic attacks, and what triggers them, in your life (if it is unresolved anxiety, or stress, see sections 6, or 42, respectively). The paper bag method works for most people: try it.



If you are fairly suggestible, the following are reliable: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/

Your last alternative is psychotherapy, to address its fundamental cause: read section 1, and examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ website, and use the locators, and phone book. I used to suffer from panic attacks, until I questioned what had changed in my life, at, or just before that time, to trigger them. For some people, this is enough. These days, I have instilled the habit of, whenever a situation occurs where panic is likely, I visualise a large, "STOP!" sign, as vividly as possible, followed by repeating to myself: "stay calm" in my mind. You could try the same method. It usually takes 30 - 40 repetitions, for most people, to establish a new habit. I also suggest that you learn, then practise the controlled breathing technique, until competent, then employ it, at the very first sign of a panic attack.



Practice one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. There is also a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind). Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris also refer: "Even though I sometimes suffer from panic attacks, I deeply and completely accept myself." Note: the controlled breathing only helps with the symptoms (as do medications/herbal remedies): you need to address the underlying cause, and this requires some form of therapy, and Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy has proved effective.



Advice from a published psychiatrist on controlled breathing. (1.) Get a clock, or watch with a second timer. (2.) Practise for 5 minutes, 4 times daily, until proficient. (3.) Take a small breath in, and hold it, for 6 seconds. (4.) Think to yourself: "RELAX", just before breathing out. (5.) Try to feel a sense of releasing tension, as you breathe out. (6.) Breathe in for 3 seconds, then out, for 3 seconds. Try to make your breathing very smooth, and light, as you breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth, or nose. (7.) For the next minute, continue to breathe in, and out, every 3 seconds. (8.) Go back to step 3, at the end of the minute, and proceed through to step 7, doing this for 5 minutes. Use this at the very first sign of a panic attack starting, or any time you feel anxious, or tense.



Because many people can't access/afford professional therapy, I include the EFT, and EMDR variant for them to try, free of charge. Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy is generally available in most areas, but EMDR (see section 33) may well be worth trying, and is becoming more widespread. (The following is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective. It is currently the subject of much study by neuroscientists, to discover how it works. Don't dismiss it, merely because it seems a little strange: give it a tryout!). Prior to using either of the methods in the above paragraph, or using it on its own, first sit comfortably, and take a deep breath.



Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: a thousand and one: this takes approximately a second). Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times. Then close your eyes and relax. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner. Then, repeat the procedure one last time. Some people may find that this is all they need do. With experience, you may find that you can practise this in public, with your eyes closed, which greatly widens the window of opportunity for its use, and avoids attracting unwanted attention.



It may also help to minimise, or eliminate sugar, and caffeine products from your life. Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, (health food stores) or fruit sugar (fructose, such as "Fruisana", from supermarket sugar aisles) or even a little honey, because these will reduce "sugar spikes", which later deplete you of energy. Minimise/eliminate consumption of highly processed foods, particularly grain products, such as white bread, donuts, cake, cookies/biscuits, or anything with sugar. Opt for more wholefoods, non-starchy vegetables, and fruit. ~~~ View the information and weblinks for social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.



Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.



Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing. One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and scream out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you're probably not up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me".

Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind.

Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger. Rewind your mistakes. Let's say you want to change an annoying laugh that you have, when you hear something funny, your old laugh will come out. You have to immediately think of what you wanted to happen, (i.e. your new, practiced laugh) and then do it immediately. It will be a little bit late, but slowly you will start to pair the two together, and eventually your brain will become conditioned to switch the first for the second. It usually takes 30 - 40 repetitions, to instill a new habit, with most people, so I estimate a similar amount, in the reprogramming process. ~~~ Consider getting the recommended book, or CD's, (the DVD's are expensive) after viewing the extensive email material, and check out section 9 systematically. Realise that you have been indoctrinated from a young age, and may possibly require de-programming, should the above prove insufficient. You should know, in several months time. I'd first try Neuro Linguistic Programming: locators are in section 1, or use the phone book, to contact organisations of psychologists & psychiatrists, etc.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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