How do you get rid of feelings of guilt?

Question

I can't seem to say No to my kids, my spouse, anyone. In not saying no, I find myself restricted to things I might enjoy doing because I am so busy doing for everyone else.

Answer 1

I was asked this question once, and I still remember the scenario in my head, when I feel guilty. If you are on an airplane, and the masks drop, whose mask do you put on first--yours or your child. Of course, I answered wrong, and said my childs (yet, out of love). The correct answer is you would put yours on first because you could pass out in the process of trying to put the mask on your child. Then you both would be without oxygen. You put your mask on first, to save you both. In other words, you need your health, and mental well-being in order to do for others. You come first (but not in the selfish-sense). Try to think of that scenario in your head when you feel guilty, because, you shouldn't feel guilty.

Answer 2

You need to get some help. This is called "enabling" behavior.

I read a book years ago called "Boundaries" & another one called "How to say 'no' without Feeling Guilty" (both from a Christian perspective). Very helpful.

Many people who have trouble saying no grew up in homes where there was alcohol.

Your own, personal needs are as valid & legitimate as the needs of those around you.

Start by practicing saying "no" with small things. As you grow in confidence, you should find it getting easier. Good luck.

Answer 3

there are many self help books for that exact problem.(have it a bit my self)personally when i say no i feeljust as much selfish as guilty. i spent alot of time in group therapy and one of the things they stressed alot was that not doing thing for your self wears you out(i'm sure you know that) where are your kids going to be when you come apart?!well what helped me was realizing that with out me being in one peice and at 100% my kids won't be at 100% either and neither can the family. my sugestion would be to talk to your family and tell them how you feel tell them some of the things you want to dothey may like doing them too if its some thing only you like ask to share time a bit

(ex:you have a Play station and your 11 yr old likes to play...the sims. he/she says can i play sims sure theres about anhour till dinner time I wanted to play ...tetris worlds how about you play for half an hour and i play for half an hour and we take turns with dinner) that also give the children a bit of the responsability which is always good (if they don't agree then you tell them no after a bit they follow along) your spouse should be pretty understanding about it if not try it with the children first it may rub off. if they always seem to be interrupting what your doing(which is what happens at my house) try just saying ok yes i can do that for you but right now i am (fill in the blank) i'll be done in(anouther fill in)and i'll do it then. kids learn patence that way and turn taking.as far as your spouse the sameformat would apply i'am---i will inn---. and they'll either hate it or adjust.

the most important thing is to tell your self that with out taking care of your self some day theres not going to be enough of you to do those thing for them

i wish you luck

Answer 4

First start off by asking your husband to stop and smell the woman making the coffee. Sometimes, we let others take advantage. There has to be a balance to everything. Always use the 5 W's to every situation. What, Where, When, Who, Why. That is why the owl is considered the wisest animal known to man. Always put yourself first and let your husband help with the kids. (He did help make them)! Slow down and smell the roses. In fact put some in that long bath you should be enjoying;)

Answer 5

Saying no to the kids is hard, no doubt we all want them to live better than we did. Just be rational about what you say yes to if it really isnt a big deal dont make it one, and if it is explain to them why you think it is and why you are not going to do it. They will listen.... kinda. The spouse is an easy one, just include yourself in everything thing you agree to. Be more a part of it than a deciding factor.

Answer 6

I have alittle trouble with say no also.

Just know that saying No is not always going to be a bad thing. And you have to realize that even thought your kids or spouse might be mad at first, that will pass quickly. Just use your own judgement on deciding if the request is resonable and worth saying yes to.

Answer 7

You might want to give this book a try:

"When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You: Finding God's Patterns for Healthy Relationships, by David Hawkins.

Answer 8

are you catholic? jk,



Guilt is a game we play with our emotions, something inside of tells us we should feel bad. There is a method call the stop method. As soon as those feelings begin to overcome you. say stop and stop your thinking, Tell yourself feeling guilty does nothing for anybody, it just wastes your energy. You will do the best you can and thats it. You may have to say stop many times until it will have an effect.

Answer 9

Spend five minutes in deep breathing exercises … While you practice you’re deep breathing, Imagine that you’re at the top of a tall staircase … As you breath, Imagine yourself walking down the stairs. With each breath, start relaxing your body; start with relaxing your head, and each imaginary step you take the relaxation further down your body until your whole body is relaxed. Then when your relaxed, read this to yourself or out loud :



"Guilt is a form of self-punishment. It doesn’t rid wrongs. If you are using guilt as self-punishment, you let this go. You have a right to be wrong. It’s no longer necessary to suffer needless. Rid yourself of guilt. Make amends for genuine wrongs; if you’re genuinely make wrongs, determine what you can do to make it better. Review your standards. Are these reasonable and necessary standards … where did you get these standards from ? What standards seem necessary and reasonable to you? What is perfection to you? … Perfection is an unobtainable ideal , it is not a requirement for happy living. You no longer punish yourself for the mistakes worries and stresses for your life. You start to resist manipulations from people It’s impossible to hit universal approval from everyone. You cannot make everyone happy every moment of every day. It’s your job to make you happy. You now do things to make you feel good. You are responsible for your feeling, the people around you are responsible for their feeling. You should also make a point to ask yourself “What have I done to make myself guilty” … “You realize that you can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. There is no value, for excessive, or even small amounts of guilt … Be cheerful and constructive…Be cheerful and constructive … Be cheerful and constructive. Let go of the past deeds, and deeds of others. Forgive yourself from the things you’ve done in the past. Imagine your body draining guilt from your body. Feel the cleanliness and clearness as that guilt drains out of your feet and you then replace these feelings with ‘acceptance’ and ‘forgiveness.’ Flush out guilt of body and mind replace with ‘acceptance‘, ‘forgiveness‘, ‘peace‘, and ‘relaxation‘. Just allow good feelings filling you from head to toe. It feels as heavy weight lifts from you. Forgive yourself and everyone else. You want the best for everyone including yourself. You feel peace, tranquility as a result you start with a clean slate every day. As you go about your day, you feel a sense of freedom … You have good feelings toward everyone. You radiate love, kindness, and forgiveness for those around you and yourself. Forgiveness is good and you realize this. You feel freedom, and find peace with the world because you’re at peace with yourself. Clarify your values, participate in ‘self love’ and ‘self forgiveness‘. Live a good life in the present movement. Plant this permanently into your unconscious mind. Every day in every way you’re feeling better. Strenghting your unconscious mind. Practice this daily".



Total time for each exercise should be around 10 minutes.

Answer 10

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I have issues not being able to say no myself, and therapy has helped me tremendously!

Answer 11

You son't have to say no, just say yes but not right now! That way you can do what you want when you want to do it and everyone is happy

Answer 12

Offer to take her shopping to buy her a new blouse.

Answer 13

Make amends, but from experience time will heal all.

Answer 14

THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL GUILTY.

Answer 15

forgive yourself...