Well whatever "N" is supposed to mean, I simply do not know!! But what seems clear is that this is an abusive man - withdrawing or holding back emotions, controlling, bullying, threatening .. this is very normal behaviour for an emotionally and verbally abusive man, and my recommendation is get out of this relationships NOW before he totally destroys your sanity and your self-esteem.
There's a couple of good books by a Patricia Evans on the subject, and I think she also has a website, that might be www.verbalabuse.com or maybe it's .org - just search for her name and "verbal abuse" and it should come up on any search engine.
I recently got out of an abusive relationship and it was really hard not to doubt my self and my fears and feelings because unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse is so hard to define and "prove" .. but you don't need to "prove" it to anyone .. if you are feeling hurt, threatened or abused then your feelings are the proof.
Just in case that N stands for a racial thing, as someone's answer suggested .. I really don't think this behaviour has anything to do with race or even with education or wealth or stuff like that. Men of all types can be abusive, and so can women.
PS you said you always felt there was something you couldn't tap into .. that sounds to me like your instincts were warning you way back then. Mine did too .. and I ignored them for as long as I could .. but thank goodness I finally got out of it and got my life back.